Katie Process

Can't Afford Healthcare for Your Kids? You Could Go to Prison!

2012-01-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you're a Parent and you can't afford Healthcare

for your Children, YOU could go to Prison!

This is the story of a typical, lower class American family: uneducated parents with minimum wage jobs, supporting five children, in a constant struggle to pay their bills - Monica Hussing and William Robinson couldn't afford health insurance for themselves and their children. So when their 8-year old son, Willie's, glands started swelling they visited a "free" clinic, trying to get Willie the support he needed. When they were told they would have to pay $180 just to get a diagnosis, which they couldn't afford, they went home and attempted several times to get help from social services.

Willie's swollen glands would come and go, and for months he appeared to be unaffected by them. His sister stated that he still played like a normal kid, even wrestled and played video games. "He was the happiest kid you could imagine. It never seemed like he was suffering." A social worker that visited the family implored the family to get Willie a medical check-up, but his parents decided they had to wait until financial assistance came through so that they could pay for medical insurance.

Suddenly, Willie started feeling sick with cold/flu like symptoms. He begged his parents to take him to the doctor, but they couldn't afford it, so his mother started giving him cold medicine. Within 3 days of the onset of these symptoms, Willie collapsed at his home and died. His autopsy showed that he had died from pneumonia, which was intensified because Willie had also been suffering from Hodgkin Lymphoma, a form of cancer that affects the lymph system.

Since Hodgkin's Lymphoma has a 93% recovery rate, and the fact that several witnesses testified that Willie was pale and thin and appeared extremely sick - his parents were charged with involuntary manslaughter, endangering a child, and felony assault. After a trial that lasted several years, Monica and William have plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and each face up to 8 years in prison.

The most fascinating aspect of this story is the widespread blame and hatred that people across the US are expressing towards Willie's parents. There is even a poll on a popular website where 99% of voters say that Willie's parents "deserve to go to hell" for not taking him to get a medical check-up. Comments on several websites threaten violence towards the parents, saying they should face the same pain that Willie suffered, or even worse. Other people sympathize with the parents but blame social services and social workers for being lazy and inattentive.

Using common sense, we can see that blaming does not solve anything. We blame in order to get a temporary feeling of satisfaction that "justice has been done", and through this we allow ourselves to ignore the fact that in order to keep another child like Willie from dying, we must step up and change the system that we're living in. So, let's take a moment to really SEE the reality of what caused Willie to die, so we can see HOW we can stop this from ever happening to another child again.

Currently in America, each person is responsible to pay for their own healthcare and the healthcare of their children. Healthcare is expensive, even when it is just preventative care such as yearly check-ups, and the cost rises exponentially if we get into an accident or if we get an illness. Many Americans have health insurance, which is like a membership where we pay a certain amount monthly in order to get healthcare at a lower cost.

If you have health insurance and you get sick, the health insurance company will pay a certain percentage of your bill, while you pay the rest. In some cases, the health insurance companies are able to lower the hospital bill by 95%, which clearly shows that hospitals are overcharging for their services

Research shows that currently in America, 52 million people don't have health insurance. In Willie's case, even if his parent's HAD taken him to a doctor and diagnosed his cancer, they likely would not have been able to get insurance because Willie's cancer would be considered a "pre-existing condition". When a person has a pre-existing condition, health insurance companies realize that they will not make money from years of "membership fees" from that person and will actually lose money by paying for their treatment, so they refuse to support the person who desperately needs medical care.

This is how the US Health Insurance Industry has become a $677 Billion industry, where healthy people must pay out of fear that they will get sick, and sick people get turned down for treatment that they desperately need- which in turn supports the US Medical industry, a $1.75 Trillion industry, to increase costs of treatments and care each year.

In Willie's case, even if his parents had been able to afford that $180 diagnosis at the free clinic, without insurance they would have hospital bills adding up to around $300,000 for x-rays, blood tests, chemo/radiation, medication, and follow up doctors visits. They would be facing a debt that would be impossible to pay off in their lifetime. They would have to decide whether to sacrifice their entire family's future in order to try to make sure Willie survived - IF Willie survived treatment...

The reason Willie died is that WE have accepted and allowed an economic system which values money above all - and since every aspect of our lives is guided by this economic system, we have made each child's right to access healthcare completely dependent on the amount of money their parents have and how educated they are. We have accepted and allowed ourselves to isolate ourselves into small groups - based on name and blood - so that we don't have to take responsibility for the child that dies - we can simply blame that death on their family. The reality is, we are each and all responsible for Willie's death - we turned a blind eye and allowed him to suffer - because we allow this system where children are not guaranteed support and care from the moment of their birth.

At the most fundamental level, we can see that this is completely unacceptable. Ask yourself, if YOU or YOUR CHILD developed Cancer, wouldn't you like to know that you were guaranteed access to the best healthcare possible without any limitation. The only way you and your children can be guaranteed the best healthcare, with no financial limitations, is to make sure EVERYONE has that guarantee - that healthcare is a HUMAN RIGHT which is given to everyone EQUALLY.

YOU are the KEY to make this Guarantee!

Be one vote for an Equal Money System, where no child will ever be denied access to Healthcare and Medical support!

Will Urban Tribes Exist in an Equal Money System?

2011-12-22T12:50:00.001-08:00

Sociologists call 'neo-tribalism' a part of our Human Evolution...
Or are Urban Tribes the key to Consumer Evolution?

'Neo-tribalism' is a sociological term that describes the theory that a consequence of our creation of massive societies is the movement towards tribal societies - not based on bloodlines - but on 'lifestyles'. These so-called 'Urban Tribes' are subgroups of the larger urban societies, made up of people who 'choose' to be a part of the 'tribe' based on their persona (personality)- their definition of themselves. In an attempt to identify themselves and stand out from mainstream culture, while still being supported by a small group of similar personalities, urban tribes create 'subcultures' based on various different lifestyle choices ranging from religion or philosophical ideologies to music and fashion preferences.

The members of urban tribes often project a belief that they are free individuals who have free will and freedom of choice, however most people join an urban tribe in order to 'fit in' and usually conform to the subculture to be accepted. The key ideologies of a subculture become the thoughts and beliefs of each member, guiding their decisions and choices. Members are labelled and even self-defined as the subculture they participate in;
Punks, Emo, Hipsters, Fashionistas, etc...
and they build and develop their urban tribe as a group who supports maintaining the lifestyle and image of these subcultures.

Corporations began to see how quickly they could turn an entire group of people on to their products just by aligning their advertising with the ideals of the subculture, in what is now called 'lifestyle branding'. For example, Hot Topic is a clothing store in America that sells the stereotypical 'punk' and 'emo' and 'raver' clothing - kids can find all the clothing and accessories they need to create an punk urban tribe. Some companies develop an entire subculture around the ownership of their products, for example Apple and Harley Davidson have urban tribe fan clubs where members join together in celebration of consuming products. Lady Gaga has built a subculture of 'Gaga Monsters' - fans of her music and extreme fashion, which has created 'Gaga Monster' tribes around the world.

Companies with complimentary products often create events where a multitude of urban tribes from a particular subculture buy expensive tickets so they can gather together and talk about their interests, which further encourages buying more products. An extreme example of this is Comi-con and other cosplay conventions, where urban tribe members obsessed with video games and cartoon animation dress up in elaborate costumes and test out the latest games and comics on the market, collectively spending millions of dollars to support their personas.

More and more professional advertising companies are beginning to focus on developing product campaigns in direct alignment with subcultures, as their research has shown that once a small urban tribe accepts a brand as an identity, they create a trend which spreads, and everyone who identifies with the subculture must have the product to strengthen their persona- ensuring that the company can survive. And this is the evolution of the consumer, where buying is not based on physical need, but on the belief that we must maintain a false image of ourselves in order to feel as though we are 'special', and at the same time, feel like we 'belong'.

What is at the core of each of these urban tribes is desire to escape the reality of this world into a fantasy world - a desire to escape our responsibility for all of the pain and suffering that we allow for the majority of humanity just so some of us can get a good feeling. And in order to get the best feeling, we must continuously buy the newest add-ons to our personas, to perfect and adapt our fantasy image of ourselves. We've allowed our search for an identity and a persona to separate us and isolate us from the rest of Life. We've actually abdicated our true identities as Human Beings for a false sense of 'belonging' through something that is completely irrelevant and usually pure entertainment.

While we are worried about whether we are 'cool' and whether we 'fit in' and letting these fears become our obsession and addiction, we are ignoring half of the world's population who are struggling every day just to survive. These people are REAL, and their struggles are REAL, and we are ignoring our responsibility to make sure everyone is supported, while we are consumed with our fake and irrelevant ideas of ourselves.

The Equal Money System is the first step to Unifying all of us together through the fact that we all exist here in this Physical Reality, we all require the same physical support in order to survive, we must equally support each other in order for all of us to Live, and therefore we are never alone or isolated. Urban tribes, which are based on fear and separation will not exist -- instead people will gather in communities with same Principle, that what is best for all is best for each, and therefore all communities will be connected with each other and supportive of each other. When we are each guaranteed to be equally supported in this Physical reality, we are supported to enjoy being here - I will not need false personas, because I am appreciated for Who I really Am as a Human Being - No one will desire to escape a Reality that is Heaven on Earth.

Find out more about the Equal Money System at www.equalmoney.org and,
Find out Who YOU Really Are at www.desteni.org

No More Mortgages in an Equal Money System

2011-12-17T20:16:00.001-08:00

Approximately 50 million American households

have a mortgage...

One of the most fundamental elements of survival in this reality is having shelter, a place where we can protect ourselves from extreme weather and predators, something that everyone needs in order to be able to Live. This is the definition of 'Home', where we reside each day as support for our physical bodies, and it is common sense that everyone who is alive in this world should have a Home to live in.

Research has shown that people who live in a permanent home, a home that they are guaranteed to be able to go to each day in order to sleep, eat, shit, shower, etc..., are more stable and effective, and are also more likely to support their neighbors and community.
Children who live in a stable home do better in school and are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.

However, in spite of this research, we live in and accept a Capitalistic system, where money is valued above all, so that each person who is alive in this world must have money in order to pay for the necessities of survival... or they must borrow for it and pay the consequences.

Homes are the highest priced commodities that most of us will pay for in our lives. The reason for this follows inherently from our money-value system: If we must have homes to survive, then those who own/build homes can price them as high as they want, and we must still buy them, therefore they price them very high to make the most money. For example, 90% of American households make an average of $31,244 each year, while the average cost of a single-family home in America is $272,900. There is no way for these families to save up enough money to pay for a home up front with cash (especially since the majority of them have to spend $10,050 of their annual income just to rent a home), so many families have to take out 'mortgages'.

Mortgages are legal contracts that bind a homeowner to the debt they own on their home through a creditor company. Most mortgages last 30 years and have an interest rate that can change based on the "mortgage index" (which is a rate decided by big banks). When a person signs a mortgage, the creditor sells the mortgage to banks and investment companies, which then allow other people to invest and make an income off of the homeowner's monthly payments of their debt. As long as the homeowner pays their monthly payments on-time every month for 30 years, then they will own the home and the investors will make their money, and everyone is satisfied.

However, the nature of Capitalism is never-ending competition to see who can make the most money. Therefore, in this current system, there will always be people who are not satisfied and will attempt to make more and more money in every way possible. This is what happened in the 00's in America, where creditors (in order to sell more mortgages to investment companies) started offering high-interest, low monthly payment, no money down 'subprime' mortgages on very expensive houses to people who had low or no income. These mortgages were created with tons of legal strings attached which made the repayment of the loan last nearly an entire person's lifetime.

**Literally, the mortgage was a 'gauge' that determined

how much longer you had to Live in order to pay off your debt --

and if you die too soon, your debt gets passed on to your children**

With the amount of people now 'able' to buy a house, companies began building tons of homes and marking up the prices. And in order to buy their dream home, millions of people signed up for these "subprime" mortgages, completely unaware of the consequences and costs of the lifelong debt they were committing to.

Investment companies then bought up all of these subprime mortgages and offered them to investors with promises of high return rates. **Some investment companies, such as the infamous Frannie Mae & Freddie Mac (which were set up and supported by the American Congress), deliberately lied to their investors about the risk of the mortgages they were investing in and distracted them with the promise of multi-million dollar returns.** Many of these investors were corporations, who invested their assets and employee retirement funds in these subprime mortgages. And for a while, the homeowners continued to make their payments, investors made their money, investment companies got their percent of the pie, creditors stayed in business, corporations around the world had more money, and everyone was temporarily satisfied.

However, several years later, with more people already living in homes under subprime mortgages - homes were not as much in demand, and the companies trying to sell homes had to lower their prices in order to get anyone else to buy them. This led to the value of everyone's homes dropping, and the people who were locked into the subprime mortgages were now living in houses worth a fraction of the debt they owed (this was the case for 8.8 million homeowners in America).

Also, around the same time the Federal Reserve raised interest rates (which led to banks raising their interest rates) and borrowers monthly payments increased to the point where many people began to default on their mortgages. Some people even declared bankruptcy, walking away from their mortgages, but ruining their credit so that their chance of owning a home ever again is unlikely.

At this point, the entire value system began to crumble --

Homeowners were failing to pay their mortgages, which meant investment companies couldn't pay investors. Investors started pulling what ever they had left out of the mortgage market, and many corporations began to lose money. Those corporations began cutting back on their spending by laying their employees off. These employees were homeowners, who now had no job and couldn't afford to continue paying their mortgage payments (even if they'd signed up for conventional, less-risky, mortgages). Over $512 billion invested in the subprime market was 'lost', which had a giant impact on the entire global economic system, as many other countries copied this mortgage investment plan, and failed to sustain it as well.

Across the US, several million people faced losing their homes to foreclosure. In the summer of 2009, a California man who had lost his job and defaulted on his suburban home mortgage, murdered his wife and 5 children and then committed suicide. In 2010, two homeowners in Philadelphia killed themselves after their foreclosed homes were sold for pennies on the dollar at a sherrif's sale. In July 2011, a Louisiana woman who was about to lose her home to foreclosure, murdered her three young daughters and then killed herself. In November, 2011 a Pittsburg man who owed $552,000 on a house worth half of that, killed his wife, her elderly parents, and then himself.

The 'mortgage' is a perfect example of how Capitalism is a truly fucked up system, which, in the long-run, supports none of us to be effective and successful human beings. We abuse the majority of our fellow humans by putting a price on what they must have to survive. We make a game out of survival where we are all competing against each other in a value system based on money, blind to all those we abuse along the way.

The system of Capitalism creates one human pyramid, where you must build yourself up upon the struggles of others below you. But what happens when the people below you fall?? You have no foundation, and you fall and lose everything as well. In that way, we are ONE, we all depend upon each other in order to continue to live in this world, but if we continue with our current system, we will all, as ONE, destroy ourselves into oblivion -- that's pretty f*cking obvious.

The only way that we can save ourselves is to make sure that everyone is supported Equally. We must change our economic system to support Life, which is real and is fundamental to each of us being Here in this Physical Reality. When we do this, no one will ever have to fear losing their home again, because no one will benefit from taking it away from them. And no one will have to go into debt in order to provide a home for their family, because having a home will be a human right that is guaranteed from birth until death. I'm sure you'll agree that no child deserves to live without a home, and no child should die because their parents can't afford one.

Let's Stop the Abuse of Mortgages and Debt!

Stand up and be

'One Vote for an Equal Money System',

Where everyone has a place to call Home!

For more information, visit

www.equalmoney.org

and

www.desteni.org

No more Children on the Street in an Equal Money System

2011-12-13T22:12:00.000-08:00

It is currently estimated that 150 million children are living and working on the streets
across the world...

Street children can be found in nearly every country, whether they are so-called "developed" or not. The majority are born in and destined to a life of extreme poverty, in which they have ZERO opportunity to stand up for themselves and are completely subject to a fight for survival. Most of them have parents who are poor and uneducated, unable to support a child with the most basic of necessities. Some of them have parents who have cast them out as unwanted. Others are the unexpected children of prostitutes, or have been orphaned when their parents died. Some of them run away from home due to physical and sexual abuse. Most of these children are born without birth certificates, unable to get documentation as a citizen from their government, and are therefore unidentified by the system. With parents unable or unwilling to care for them, and governments who often neglects or completely ignores them, these children are left to fend for themselves. But how can a child fend for themselves in the BIG world out there?

They are forced to BEG...
Street children are found exclusively in urban cities - the hubs of people and money - where they beg in the streets for money from the passersby. Often times, rural and uneducated parents will move their families to the city in hopes that they will be able to earn more money, only to find job competition and a rising cost of living. As a consequence, parents inevitably must force their children to work in order to put food on the table, and children quickly become a commodity, where more hands out on the streets means more income for the family. Many of these children, who are new to the city streets and naive to the corruption when money is involved, are quickly kidnapped and abused in order to make money for their kidnappers.

In India, which contains the largest population of street children (18 million), there are "beggar mafias" - groups who gather up street children and force them to beg for money to pay the mafia members. There are many cases where children have been approached by someone who pretends to be a social worker, but drugs their food and takes them to a hospital where one (or several) of their limbs are amputated.

"In what was dubbed the ‘arms for alms’ scandal, doctors were filmed by Indian journalists agreeing to cut off the healthy limbs of children for just £100". This apparently makes the children "better beggars" - more shocking and invoking more guilt in the "hearts" of people passing them in the street - which means more money for the mafia. The children, however, have been permanently scarred.

They are forced to do Hard Labor...

Many street children and children of impoverished families are recruited to work for factories, since their small hands and keen eyesight make them very effective at sewing clothing and gluing small parts together. The International Labor Organization estimates that over 250 million children between the ages of 5 and 14 are working in developing countries.

In China, many of the factories and sweatshops that produce the majority of the products imported by the US and Europe employ child workers. Here, children work on average 10-14 hours a day and make less than half the wages of an adult. Many children are working in very dangerous conditions. In 2003, a fireworks factory exploded in Hebei Province, China, where one child died and 34 other children were injured. Investigators found that the children were being forced by their school teacher to make fireworks in the factory. Some of these children had a quota of 1,000 fireworks per day.

The abuse of child labor is well-known in India, where the majority of people are so poor that they are unable care for their children, and often sell them into "bonded labor" - where children become slaves, making little or no wages, and are expected to work for their "master" for their entire life. It is estimated that there are 15 million "bonded" child slaves in India, working in nearly every industry, especially construction, brickmaking, domestic labor, silk production, and even the diamond industry.

In 2007, a textile sweatshop in Delhi, India was exposed for using children as young as 10 to produce clothing for Gap Kids during the Christmas season. Many of these children were working 19 hours a day, forced to sleep in the factory, working back to back shifts in order to make sure their quota was met on time, and beaten if they were moving to slow or if they fell asleep. Also, many of the children were not being paid for their work, and may have been working to pay off the debts of their parents or relatives. Despite being exposed in 2004 for contracting to 136 factories that used child laborers, the Gap continues to contract to factories in impoverished areas in order to keep costs low, but with a new "policy" that all workers must be over the age of 14.

When India hosted the 2010 Commonwealth Games, it was revealed that child labor was used to prepare the stadiums for the influx of visitors. Many of these children were street children, who had come with their family or friends to the stadiums to beg from tourists. They were quickly put to work, hauling rocks, hammering nails, and lugging tools around for other workers.

In Mexico, 300,000 child laborers work illegally as migrant workers in the agricultural industry. These children come from poor families, often have parents who are also migrant workers, and must work long hours in the sun in order put food on the table. Often the children get infections from open wounds on their hands, and also suffer from respiratory problems due to breathing in the chemicals used as pesticides on the crops. In 2007, an 8-year old boy was crushed by a tractor while picking tomatoes on a farm, where the owner refused to take responsibility, claiming he didn't know that children were working in his fields.

In Cote d'Ivoire, West Africa, approximately 15,000 children between the ages of 12-16 are being trafficked in from the poorest towns to become slaves in the cocoa industry. Cocoa farmers often meet with desperate parents who are struggling with money, and promise to give their children a good job so they can send money back home.

These children are forced to work as slaves in the cocoa fields, expected to fill 80lb bags full of cocoa beans and carry them back to the farms. Many of these children are kept in horrendous conditions, with 18 of them confined to sleep in one small room, with very little food and water, and are usually beaten when they do not meet expectations. 43% of the world's chocolate (a $75 billion dollar industry) comes from beans harvested by Cote d'Ivoire child slave laborers.

They are forced to have SEX...

UNICEF reports that there are 200,000 child prostitutes in Thailand, 400,000 in India, between 244,000 and 325,000 in the U.S., 35,000 in West Africa, and 100,000 in the Philippines, Taiwan and Brazil.

According to the child prostitution advocacy group ECPAT, there are at least 2 million children held in sexual slavery in Asia today. Most of these children have come from poor rural villages, sold by their families for several hundred dollars (which is usually enough to feed the entire family for a whole year). Most of the time, parents are convinced by "brokers" that their child will be a nanny for a wealthy family in the city, or that they will be able to get a good job so they can send money back home, promising a better life for them - sometimes children are just kidnapped. The majority of these children will never see or speak to their families again, as they are quickly sold off to brothels and pimps around the world.

There is a myth among Asian men that having sex with a virgin will rejuvenate them and give them power. "There are surprisingly large number of aging and wealthy Chinese businessmen who believe that they must deflower a virgin at least once a year to gain the energy needed to be successful in their business enterprise and have a long life" cite. To feed this desire for young virgins, each year tens of thousands of girls are trafficked in and out of China from rural areas to become prostitutes. Many of these girls are Chinese citizens, who have been abandoned by their families due to the "one-child policy" in China which encourages a preference for male children. Asia has become the hub for European and American tourists to travel to for sex with children - where they believe they are less likely to be punished or prosecuted. Many of these men claim they are helping the young children by helping them escape economic hardship.

"On this trip, I've had sex with a 14 year-old girl in Mexico and a 15 year-old in Colombia. I'm helping them financially. If they don't have sex with me, they may not have enough food. If someone has a problem with me doing this, let UNICEF feed them."

-Retired U.S. Schoolteacher (cite)

On the other side of the world in Mexico, Columbia, and Brazil, the child sex trade is becoming a giant industry. Alex Fernandez, a 14 year old homeless teenager in Acapulco, describes the process that he goes through everyday when grown men take him to ritzy hotels and pay to have sex with him. "Yes, they buy me. The business gets me food. It gets me clothes, No one else helps me. What do you want me to do?" Children here are paid $10 - $50 to have intercourse or oral sex with older men, but most of the money likely goes to their pimps.

Even in America, where prostitution is illegal, children are sold into sexual slavery every day. The Department of Justice estimates that more than 250,000 young American citizens are at risk for of being forced into commercial sexual exploitation. According to the FBI, a large human-trafficking organization in California in 2008 not only physically threatened and beat girls as young as 12 to work as prostitutes, they also regularly threatened them with witchcraft. American girls who are forced to become prostitutes are largely unprotected by the laws, and if caught, are most often put in jail for prostitution instead of being considered a victim of human trafficking. It is also estimated that up to 17,500 young girls are smuggled into the US for prostitution. (cite)

According to UNICEF, it is estimated that over 30 million children have been trafficked for sexual exploitation over the past 30 years, with the numbers increasing each year consistently. Research shows that the number one reason that children are sold into sexual slavery is because their parents were too poor to take care of them. And those who sell children into slavery will continue as long as the child sex trade is a $7 billion dollar industry.

They are forced to FIGHT in wars...

Street children and children from impoverished families are especially susceptible to being recruited to fight as soldiers in wars. Some of these children become soldiers due to a promise of money and food, but many of them are kidnapped and forced to become child soldiers, where the majority die. In the past ten years, child soldiers have been reported in many of the wars around the world - most notoriously in the civil war in Uganda, where approximately 30,000 young boys and girls were abducted and forced to become soldiers in the rebel "Lord's Resistance Army". The young girls, some only 10 year old, were often raped, beaten, and forced to be sex slaves for all of the other soldiers in the group.

Recently, there have been increasing numbers of children recruited as child soldiers in wars in the Middle East. In Afghanistan, children as young as 5 are being paid by the Taliban to plant IED bombs near the roadways where British and American troops are known to drive on. Children are used because they are less suspicious, and they are also less likely to be attacked by foreign troops. Many of these children are unaware of what they are doing and are simply following orders to make some money. Children have also been recruited as suicide bombers - with traffickers being paid $7,000-$14,000 for a child suicide bomber. In May 2011, a 12 year old blew himself up during a street bazaar killing four civilians. In April 2011, in a nearby area of Afghanistan, a 13 year old detonated his explosive vest killing 10 people (including 5 young children) in an attempt to kill a military commander. The use of children as suicide bombers has also been reported many times during the war between Palestine and Israel, where Palestinian children (often 14 or 15 years old) have been apprehended while carrying several explosive devices intended for Israeli soldiers.

How do they cope with the Abuse?

Whether they are mutilated to make them better beggars, beaten and torn apart from being forced to have sex with 30 men in one day, forced to kill their fellow citizens during war, or overcome by illnesses and disease, these children are completely on their own with very little support from the people around them. These children face the most horrible abuse possible and many of them turn to drugs to ease their suffering.

In this picture, a 12 year old Ukrainian street boy injects himself with a home made drug made out of ephedrine.

The most popular drug among street children around the world is glue huffing. Glue is very cheap and can be easily abused, giving children a quick, short-living high that takes away their hunger and makes them feel warm. Many of these children develop problems with their brain and nervous system as an adverse effect of the chemicals in glue. Some children turn to drinking and hard narcotics as they spend more and more time on the street. A research study in Egypt showed that the reasons for drug abuse among street children were largely to help subdue fears, help them sleep at night, and to be able to endure pain, violence, and hunger.

It is estimate that 70% of children who are living on the street are suicidal. Many of them are suffering from diseases, especially HIV/Aids and other STD's due to being raped, molested, and from sharing needles.

How can WE stop this?

As you can see, the world is not a wonderful place for the 150 million children who must live on the street without any support. If we have a look around the world, we are hard-pressed to find anything that ensures children's rights, and that is the main reason why children are prime targets for abuse. They are mistreated, from the moment they are born, and live their entire lives as suffering. Nothing that we are currently doing is helping these children, not a single charity or outreach group has been able to stop this abuse, and we cannot continue to simply donate to these groups and just hope that these children will receive the support they need.

We must be self-honest here and realize that we are all responsible for these children's suffering, especially when we want to simply ignore what is going on. The very core of our entire world system must change in order to make sure that no child is born into this world doomed to a life of suffering. We must stand up and be willing to change in order to ensure that children are given the Right to Life. We must begin with changing the current money system, as money has become the number one reason for child abandonment, child slavery, and child sexual exploitation.

The Equal Money System provides support for EVERY child, making sure that they are cared for the moment they are born until the day they die.

In an Equal Money System, every child is guaranteed a home, with a bed and clean clothes, with clean drinking water and nutritious food.
They are guaranteed access to health care, with all of the medicine that they need.
They are guaranteed an education so that they can build the skills they need to be effective and successful in life.
They are guaranteed to have enough money to meet their basic requirements of life for their entire life.
They are guaranteed to have an Equal Right to Life as every other human being here on Earth.

In an Equal Money System, we value Life above all - which means that no child will ever be abused, forced to do hard labor, raped, or mutilated in the name of money ever again. These children will grow into healthy, stable adults - who genuinely care about their fellow man, their fellow animal, because they were properly cared for in every moment. These children will stand up for Life, because nothing will be holding them back, and they will become One with All of Life.

Every child deserves to live a life free of suffering.

Learn how YOU can make this happen for ALL Children of the Earth!

www.equalmoney.org

and

www.desteni.org

To learn more about Children around the World who Suffer from our corrupt economic system watch the following documentaries:

Cheated of Childhood (Russia) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ39fZWkgnM&feature=related

Child Factory Workers (Bangladesh) -
http://vimeo.com/1897357

Slaves of the Lake (Ghana) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEDVFndYuT0

The Dark Side of Chocolate (Ivory Coast) -
http://documentaryheaven.com/the-dark-side-of-chocolate/

Very Young Girls (America) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgqU3M6qAus

Playground (America) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utjtLRqQuJI

Inside the Child Sex Trade (Indonesia)-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szKqtiKmbC8

Child Prostitution (South Africa) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xISFxedkhl8&feature=relmfu

Cutting Edge, Child Sex Trade (Romania) -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz8R3mC1TEg

The Day My God Died -
http://documentaryheaven.com/the-day-my-god-died/

Fighting Child Prostitution -
http://www.pbs.org/now/shows/422/index.html

Child Slavery -
http://documentaryheaven.com/child-slavery/

Invisible Children - Child Soldiers in Uganda
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3166797753930210643

How Santa's Sacrifice Feels So Good for Some - Sucks for 4 billion

2011-12-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

It is better to Give than Receive - Acts 20:35

Every year, during the Christmas holiday, this phrase (which is attributed to Jesus Christ) is slapped on advertisements for everything from cars, jewelry, and toys to charity programs. Every possible opportunity is used to remind people that Christmas is the "season of giving", so that they spend more and more in the Christmas consumer market.

Let's take a moment to consider what this statement actually implies...

In order for someone to give, someone must receive - therefore if it is better to give than receive, then the person who is giving is "better" than the person who gets. And the person who gives the MOST is the Best and most Blessed. Although we may not want to admit it, this also implies that the person who gives the Least is the Worst.

We have accepted this value system and taken it to the extreme, so that the Christmas holiday has become a competition to see who can give the most and in return get the most. This is perpetuated by the fantastical story of Santa Claus - the man who sacrifices every moment of his life planning and creating things to give to people on Christmas Eve - which is quite parallel to the story of Jesus Christ who sacrificed his life for our sins, which is the story we tell ourselves throughout the rest of the year.

During Christmas, Santa Claus is the idyllic giver, literally a Saint- a jolly judge who gives to those who have been "nice" and punishes those who've been naughty by giving them nothing. - and this is the role which all of the rest of us must emulate. However, since Santa Claus does not actually exist - his role is played secretly by parents. And the More that parents Give, the better they Are. And the better they Feel - *A study came out that shows that when a person gives something to another person which they believe to be "good" - they get a release of a chemical to the brain called the "cuddle hormone" which gives them a really good feeling.* So parents can reap the emotional (and chemical) benefits of the Santa Fanta-sy, while training their children to believe that Christmas is about Feeling Good.

But, Giving in our society implies having money in the first place. So what happens to the parents can't afford to buy their children a mountain of presents, those who are struggling just to survive everyday?

Becoming more and more popular are "Christmas Loans" - where people who can't afford Christmas presents to take out cash loans so they can make sure they can give their children a "proper Christmas". Some people end up taking out a loan which they can't even pay off in one year - and therefore they're in the same position the following Christmas. They drive themselves further and further into debt - and the cost of the "joy of giving" is the pain of struggling without money throughout the rest of the year.

Now for those who can't even take out loans - there's always Charity...

Charity is a HUGE industry during Christmas for obvious reasons... Because, charity is the BEST kind of Giving - therefore, people who give to charity get the Best feeling and can consider themselves the Best people. Most charities offer up some kind of product that you can buy where some of the proceeds are donated to poor families who can't afford Christmas. Or you can just donate money so that a poor family can buy a tree. This charity let's you donate $35 to send a shoe box full of "pens, pencils, necessary items, and motivational notes" to children in third world countries - and they call this "blessing a child". Christmas charity allows YOU to feel like a Saint for the entire year!!

**Note that Christmas Charities also allow you to unload any extra income that puts you over your tax bracket that year - so you can feel Great and keep more of your money too! coincidence?**

We play out this cycle every year, where ONE time during the year we want to feel really GOOD through Giving, while more and more people get poorer and poorer -- which means more people must suffer through the struggle to survive so that the few of us can get a good feeling. The lives of the majority of the people are just getting worse -- no matter how many shoe boxes of junk you donate to little poor kids.

Let's rewrite the statement "it is better to give than receive" to this:

"It is BEST for all to Receive Equally"

Because, when all people are being supported equally in every moment all year long -- then no one will have to rely on the desire of others to get that Good feeling from giving. In fact, all of us will get to have the BEST experience when ALL of us are supported -- we won't need a Santa Claus to sacrifice himself -- in fact no one will need to sacrifice anything anymore.

The Equal Money System is the Gift that we give to each and every human being on this planet -- so this year, do something that will actually change this world to one where there is NO poverty, NO starvation, and NO children suffering -- Donate to the research for the Equal Money System.

Visit www.equalmoney.org and

www.desteni.org

for more information and Equality practivism

Will Governments Fund Religion in an Equal Money System?

2011-11-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

In our current economic system, governments around the world directly and indirectly fund religions. There are countries in which this is very obvious, such as many islamic countries and Rome for example, and there are other countries which promote "freedom of religion" and allow religious groups to perform all the actions of a standard company without having to pay taxes. In all of these cases, religion is considered to be a sacred human right that is protected by the government - and most often religion is protected with disregard for what is best for all people in the country/community.

In spite of all the wonderful things people claim about religion, at a fundamental level - religion is the number one justification that Human Beings use to separate themselves from the world - their environment and the other living beings around them. No one can logically argue against this obvious fact - there is evidence throughout the history of mankind of wars and genocides that were founded upon and fueled by religious beliefs. For example, the Crusades, the Israel-Palestine Conflict, the destruction of the Native Americans, and so on and so forth. Even today, Egypt is overrun by fighting over the new religious sects that may be voted into power.

Take any war in our history, and you will find a motivation to kill based on a religious belief. This isn't surprising when we have a look at the spiritual texts of every religion - we find violence and anger even from the holiest of holy - The Gods. And when people try to live up to "image and likeness" of these Gods, they believe that they have the right, no the duty, to "purify" the Earth by destroying all those who go against THEIR God.

And those who are in power, those who inhabit our current system of governments around the world, often believe they must do God's work. And they take it upon themselves to start wars, and send troops off to die, and build nuclear weapons all the while proclaiming that "this is what God wants us to do".

The curse of Allah is on disbelievers - Quran 2:89

For thou shalt worship

no other god:

for the LORD,

whose name is Jealous,

is a jealous God - Exodus 34:14

Obviously none of this is best for all mankind, best for the Earth, best for all Life. In order for all Life to be properly supported, we as Human Beings must first realize that we cannot continue to separate ourselves from each other. We are a Family of Life, and we must stand together, united in order to ensure that we all can equally Survive and Live Here on Earth. Therefore, we must let go of all of our separate religions and tear down the barriers that we've built between ourselves.

The Equal Money System will be the first step towards the Unification of Man - where the Principle of every action and word will be What is Best for All. Therefore, no governments will support or fund religion. Governments will be dedicated to building and maintaining the system that will create a Heaven on Earth.

No more reaching up to the sky

for castles in the clouds,

Heaven will be Here on Earth

with the Equal Money System

Find out more about the Equal Money System at www.equalmoney.org and at www.desteni.org

No Thanksgiving in an Equal Money System

2011-11-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

When I was in grade school, we learned about the "His-story" of Thanksgiving, and how it was a Holy-day for the Pilgrims and Indians as they shared a bounty of food with each other from their respective cultures.

We made pilgrim and indian costumes, painted paper turkeys with glitter and feathers, and wrote down lists of all the things we were "thankful" for that year.

This was the fairy tale that we were told as children - that everyone had something to be thankful for and that we must give praise to God for giving us such wonderful families, friends, and also such plump turkeys.

We were also taught that there were certain essentials that must be present at Thanksgiving - OR ELSE it wasn't really a special day.
Firstly, you MUST have a turkey at thanksgiving. And mashed potatoes, beans, sweet potatoes, honey baked ham, gravy, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, etc etc etc.. Quickly, Thanksgiving becomes a Holy-day praising FOOD above all else, and not just food - an abundance of food.

Since we are learning this ritual in school, it seems to be "right" and what we're "supposed" to do. At this early age, we are being brainwashed to only consider ourselves and our family and how much we'll get to eat on Turkey Day.
This ritual is a kick in the face to the half of the worlds population who are living in poverty, especially the billion people who are literally starving.

How can we justify an entire day of stuffing our faces full of the most luxurious foods when a single person in this world goes to sleep the same night with an empty stomach. How can we say "Thanks God, thanks for giving US all this really great food, thanks for protecting our family from harm this year" -- without considering that half the population of this world is suffering, families are losing loved ones to hunger and disease.

Thanksgiving exposes our greed and gluttony that we have allowed throughout our entire existence. It is a holiday where we stuff ourselves full of tryptophan turkey so that we can shut our eyes to OUR responsibility to our fellow man and all of Life in this world, where we flaunt our abundance over those who have nothing.

Thanksgiving will not exist in an Equal Money System, because we will not over-consume in a world where all are supported equally and sufficiently. We will not praise Food, and value it over Life. We will gather at the table and enjoy ourselves with a modest meal knowing that all people are able to eat that night -- no thanks necessary because WE made this happen.

Learn more about the Equal Money System at www.equalmoney.org and www.desteni.co.za.

"In Time" for an Equal Money System

2011-10-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I saw the new movie "In Time" at the theatre. After seeing the movie, I heard several different reviewers discussing the symbolism in the movie, so we're going to discuss here how this movie reflects reality and how it demonstrates the need for a new economic system that supports everyone equally and effectively.

If you haven't seen the movie, here's a basic overview. Spoiler Alert.

The plot centers around a young man (Justin Timberlake) who is living in a distopian world where all people have been genetically modified to only grow to the age of 25, after which they only have one year of time left to live until their body shuts down and they die.

In this world, time is money, and in order to pay for food, rent, electricity, you have to pay with the days of your life that you have left. Each person has a "watch" implanted in their arm which counts down the number of days they have left before their time is up - and in order to get more days, they have to work to get days/hours/minutes added to their time bank account.

A key theme in the movie is that the United States is split up into "Time Zones" - where people live in according to how much "time" they were born into. In Timberlake's zone, people are dirt poor, living day-to-day, paying ridiculously high living costs, working in factories doing menial tasks to get enough time to live the rest of the day - but many of them don't make it - and their bodies shut down when their clocks run out.

In the other time zones, people are "Millionears" - they have millions of years on their clock, live in lavish houses, drive fancy cars, and can buy whatever they want. These "rich" people own banks and businesses that deliberately raise the taxes and prices of products to keep the poor people struggling to get more time.

Obviously this movie is an analogy of the capitalistic system that we are currently living in. In our system, the majority of people are living day-to-day, unsure if they will have enough money to pay for the basic necessities of life - which, if they don't have them, they will DIE. Then there are a small percentage of people who are born into money, who never struggle to survive and to whom spending money is like shedding skin cells.

There were several lines in the movie that really stuck out for me - one where the poor boy asks the rich girl,

"How can you live with yourself

watching people die right next to you"

and she replies "You don't watch, you close your eyes" - this is the exact attitude that many people take when they justify our current economic system - they deliberately close their eyes to the abuse that capitalism promotes. In reality, over HALF of the world's population - +4 billion people - are struggling on less than $2 per day, barely able to pay for food and clean water - even having to sell off their children into slavery and prostitution to pay for their other children to eat. This is unacceptable - and yet we all participate in this system - so we have to consider how we as human beings can change this system to one that makes sure no one can shut their eyes and abdicate responsibility for Life Here.

The coolest scene from the entire movie is the scene where the protagonist has broken into the businessman's office to steal a time account that contains one million years. The businessman says that the poor people will never stand up to the system because they all desire to be wealthy - even though the probability of that happening is close to nil. This so reflects the mentality of the average American citizen, preprogrammed and brainwashed by the "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" belief system - where we believe that we still have a chance to be uber-wealthy by some strike of Luck - reinforced by the stories of movie stars and lottery winners - those fairy tales we tell ourselves at night of the few who "came from nothing to something" so we can justify going to our job the next morning.

**Out of the 6.8 Billion people who live in this world, 24 million of them are considered millionaires. That's a 0.035% that you're a millionaire, or you'll ever become one. And if you don't have a proper education or a wide skill set, the only way you'll become a millionaire is if you win the lottery - About one out of every three people in the United States think that winning the lottery is the only way to become financially secure in their life. However, the likelihood of winning the lottery is about 18 million to one - with only about 247 winners per year in the entire US. If you live to 70 and you play every lottery, you have a .0004% chance of winning in your lifetime - you're 20 times more likely to die from getting hit by lightning.

All in all, the businessman says it as it actually is in Capitalism:

"For One to live forever, Many must die"

- the system is supported by people believing they have a chance to succeed and make a lot of money in this world - when in reality the odds are stacked in favor of keeping the rich rich so they can keep Capitalism running as is. And watching this scene, we have the opportunity to consider the implications of holding on to the Bootstrap Mentality = None of us will care about each other, because we all expect each individual to take care of themselves and only themselves. Which is how we turn blind eyes to the 48 million people who are in poverty in our own country, in our own Backyards.

Now, the movie didn't provide a solution for the Time-Valued system. All the "heroes" did was rob a bunch of banks to try and "fight the system" - common for a big time movie though, just providing a point for people to blame the "rich" or the people they perceive to be in control - fuel for the Occupy protesters to justify their non-movement. I heard a reporter on NPR say that this movie was a symbol for how we should "live in the moment" and "be grateful for the time we have" - which may be the intended purpose of the film - but let's not let some light and love bullshit hide the transparency that is how a Capitalistic system is inherently abusive and is Devaluing Life in every moment that we participate in it.

This time, you have the opportunity to take a Stand - to do something that actually matters - that will assist each human being on this Earth to be supported and not have to Sell out their lives for Money. And by making sure that everyone in this world has enough Money to survive each day, you make sure we all have enough TIME to enjoy our Life here on Earth.

Take that Step, don't Close your Eyes:
Watch this awesome series on the Equal Money System
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ml_KOCx-kA&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL37A3C0DC0D81D7C4

Then visit www.desteni.co.za to learn more about the people who are Practivists for Life.

Will Halloween exist in an Equal Money System?

2011-10-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Will Halloween Exist in an Equal Money System?

Halloween is considered to be a fun and enjoyable holiday that is a little harmless fun for children and is a part of the American tradition. However, very few people consider what it actually takes (from the Earth) to have one night of fun.

Each year during Halloween, pumpkins are sold across the US as ornaments to sit in front of American's homes. These pumpkins last about 2 weeks, and are then thrown into the trash once Halloween is over.

Approximately 790 million pounds of pumpkins are grown and sold each year for this tradition - an $84 million dollar agricultural industry which provides ZERO food for anyone - and has the sole purpose of making people "feel good" during a holiday.

Each year $2.5 billion on Halloween costumes - the majority of these costumes are made in China where factory workers get paid on average $0.64 per hour.

With about 30 costumes made per hour, workers get less than 2 cents for one costume - when they are sold in stores at $15-$40 each.

These costumes usually last ONE NIGHT - since they are poor quality, most people decide to buy a brand new costume each year (also since it has become tradition to have the latest craze in costumes each year).

And, each year, Americans spend $2 billion on Halloween Candy.

(This includes 35 million pounds of candy corn - which is made purely of processed sugars and corn syrup.)

75% of Americans participate in the "Candy" part of Halloween, either by distributing it at their doors, or walking around with their children door to door to 'harvest' the candy. A common tradition is for children to try to fill up an entire pillowcase full of candy by the end of the night. The average American consumes 1.24 pounds of candy on Halloween. **and the Average American household spends $44 on halloween candy just for the single night**

Rotting pumpkins, abuse of cheap labor, sugar-high children... what exactly are we supporting here?!

There is NOTHING about the Halloween that we celebrate that is practical or considerate of what is Best for All. It is a complete waste of time, money, and Life.

In an Equal Money System, there will be no need for Halloween as a single night of fun and trivial expression - every moment will be spent in complete self-expression and actual FUN - in that all people are enjoying themselves together in LIFE.

How do we Transition to an Equal Money System?

2011-10-26T05:50:00.000-07:00

There are many ways that we, as human beings, can transition to an Equal Money System, but in any case there are several common sense practical points that must be considered before and as we transition to this system that Values Life.

Structure of Equal Money
Throughout these points, we shall consider the Equal Money System to be a system that uses digital credits rather than physical currency - and this is so that all credits can be accounted for in each and every moment - and to remove all corruption that takes place through currency exchange rates. This also removes any black market or forged currency markets, as any unusual influx of credits into a single person's account would be obvious and automatically corrected by the system.

Building Equal Money into a Digitized System
Therefore, before the Equal Money System is put in place, we will require a team of programmers who can build this digital system, with all the checks and balances that ensure that each person receives their monthly deposit on time and in the proper amount.
Each programmer's activities must be monitored and checked by another group of programmers so that the integrity of the system is maintained. Each step of the program will be documented so that all people can see exactly what steps were taken to build the system.
*We already have the technology to do this within our banking system and social networking systems- however we must build this new Equal Money System on the Principle that "What is best for all is best for each" so that no one person has an advantage over another. *

Creating the Physical Support for an Equal Money System
In an Equal Money System, the basics of survival must be made available to every human being (and animal) - therefore before and during the Equal Money System, we can have teams of surveyors - for example one that investigates the housing in a particular area - to make sure that housing is adequate shelter for people to live in. This will be done with all of the physical components of survival for each person and animal.

Educating All on the Basics of an Equal Money System
In order for the Equal Money System to be effectively implemented, the majority of people must understand the basics of the System and through a democratic vote, decide to implement it in their respective countries. Therefore, we will expand the campaign to educate mankind on the Equal Money System and how it will support all Life on Earth.
At the most basic and fundamental level, Equal Money supports each person with enough digital credits to afford for the basics of survival. These would obviously include housing, water, food, clothing, education, and healthcare. These basics of survival are vital and absolute Human Rights, and the education campaign will support everyone (no matter what their current education level) to understand this.

Supporting Countries/Communities/Governments to Vote for Equal Money
In our current system, countries and communities are separated by physical, cultural, and religious boundaries. Around the world, we've all accepted this separation, which has the obvious consequence of war and frustration "between countries" and "between communities". The Principles that build the foundation for the Equal Money System must be translated and considered for the needs of the people in each country. This will allow for the people in each country to see how the Equal Money System can support them and how they can implement it, so that the majority can vote for the system to be put in place. The more countries that implement the Equal Money System, the more effective the entire global system will be - and the more people who are supporting each other in Equality.

Changing the Starting Point of Industry
The operations of the industries that produce the basic necessities (Housing, water, food, etc...) will completely change - as they will not be able to base their operations on profit and must instead produce products based on What is Best for All.
The most effectively way to get these companies to participate in the Equal Money System would be to educate them on the Principle of Best for All - so that they can see that when they provide the basics of survival to each person equally, then they will be equally supported by the people to make higher quality products. Also, these companies will be encouraged to participate as the majority of the people show that they will vote for the Equal Money System.

Initially, there will be people who refuse to participate in the Equal Money System, due their preprogrammed belief that Capitalism is superior and that competition is necessary. However, once the Equal Money System is in place, and people are shown the practical common sense of making sure all aspects of Life are supported on Earth - in action, they will let go of their beliefs and fears and join their fellow Human Beings in the Equal Money System.

Hunting for Sport will End in an Equal Money System

2011-10-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

"If it Flies, it Dies!"

"If it Hops, it Drops!"

"If it's Brown, it's going Down!"

Yesterday, as I was walking through the parking lot at my university, I saw a giant shiny new pick-up truck, covered in the decals of birds and decapitated deer, along with the phrases "if it Flies, it Dies!" "if it's Brown, it goes Down!". I see a lot of this across Texas. It's a southern tradition for men to go out into the woods on the weekend, drink a bunch of beer, piss in a bucket, and shoot stuff. And here in Texas, this is called a "Sport".

Hunters - men who are dedicated to reliving what they believe to be the "historical role" of mankind - killing stuff to put food on the table - except nowadays half of the meat ends up on the wall as a body-less ornament. My uncle is an avid deer-killer. We visited every Christmas, and my aunt would hang lights and pine wreaths around the necks of their decapitated "dear" victims hanging all around their home. One of them was a young moose, whom they named Gus, who always wore a pair of ear-muffs, so my uncle could make the joke "he didn't hear me coming".

My uncle had his own "deer-lease", a plot of land that he fenced in and filled with deer, which he would then go out with his friends on the weekend and kill. One time, he took out a book and showed me all of the pictures of the deer that were on his land - he had given them all names, and yet within a few months, many of them would be dead - replaced with a new crop. This is not considered strange, in fact it is a huge industry in the United States. Each year 12.5 million Americans go out on hunting trips, killing over 200 million animals. Approximately 1,000 people are injured each year from hunting accidents and at least 100 die from fatal wounds.

Hunters in America spend $22.9 Billion dollars each year on hunting supplies and trips.

There are plenty of excuses as to why hunting should be allowed, mainly the idea that the animal populations will overpopulate towns and cities, destroying farmers crops and fencing. However, isn't this quite hypocritical, that Humans are deciding who gets to Live and who Dies - all the while making an entertaining sport out of the judgment.

If we look at the Common Sense, as what is Best for All, we can see that Hunting is deliberate abuse of animals - that Human Beings are holding on to what they believe to be their Human Right - the right to own guns and shoot animals - without any consideration for the animals themselves. Animals are not Here for Human Sport. They are not ornaments that we can slaughter and take pictures of ourselves with and then decapitate them and hang them up on the wall.

Hunting for Sport will be outlawed in an Equal Money System - because it is a capitalistic industry that benefits NO ONE - and only supports the male ego to be violent and careless towards all Life in this World.

Investigate the Equal Money System at

www.equalmoney.org

where Animals Have Rights Too!

Practical Love for Life

2011-09-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days - I have been walking through the aspects of my pre-programming which I allow to encircle me into an isolated bubble which I have often called "my life".

My-feelings, My-ideas, My-opinions, My-judgments, My-thoughts, My-movements, My-decisions....

all of these I created as points which I believed ONLY affect me and which have no real consequence on anyone else in this world.

Now - I understand that there are consequences for participating in thoughts, feelings, and judgments - but I have found that I tend to overlook the consequences until they accumulate Here as a physical "problem".

So now, HERE, I am actually facing each moment where I must make the stand to STOP the MY and consider the Practicality of walking, moving, and acting throughout the day so that ALL are supported. That means I must deliberately push myself to break the MY-programming and consider each person, animal, plant, physical object, ground, that is Here.

Here is a cool example of one of the many points that I've had to stop and consider what is best for all in each moment - today I was in my Advanced Linear Algebra class and one of the girls who I study with asked me if I had a bandaid. She was bleeding from a big blister on her foot and wanted to stop the bleeding. I told her I didn't have any bandaids -- and then a thought came up that I should stop talking to her and pay attention to the teacher "or else I will miss something and do poorly on the exam" -- I identified this thought in the moment as a fear and stopped the thought -- then without thinking I turned to her and asked her where on campus I could get some bandaids. I asked if she would take notes on the lecture for me and I walked to the store on campus, bought the bandaids and returned to class.

What was fascinating in all of this is that I didn't do this in order to be "courteous" or "christian" or "charitable" or to get a good feeling -- it just made COMMON SENSE that she needed a bandaid for her foot and couldn't walk to the store to get it.

And within my programming - I would never have done this without believing that I Deserved some kind of prize whether it be emotional or physical in order to "sacrifice" my time for another person.

The point came up several other times today, where another person asked for assistance and I let go of my bullshit programming that said "but this is MY time, or MY stuff" and just DO WHAT MUST BE DONE.

And I realized, this is what Practical Love for Life is. Doing what must be done, as what is best for ALL, which leaves no room for "MY" -- where ALL are considered in All-Ways-- and there is no selfish motive.

And WHEN we have an Equal Money System that gives the actual physical support here for each Living Being - we can ALL stop living in our Bubbles - stop fighting for survival - and start to consider What IS Best for All?

Thanks to Desteni for Supporting US in All-Ways, so we can stop living in Bubbles and Start Living Life Here Together. I am Living Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction in Action!

www.desteni.co.za

Anonymous Vendetta Fantasy: Wallstreet Protests

2011-09-27T10:28:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks, downtown Manhattan - the Wallstreet district has been occupied by protesters.

The apparent motivation behind these protests is financial inequality - reflected by the chanting of the protesters who call themselves the "99%" - in that 1% of the worlds population holds the majority of the wealth (the bankers, stock market investors, elite, etc...) while the other 99% are struggling to pay rent, working dead-end jobs, and unable to make sure their children are properly cared for.

The protesters claim that they will occupy Wallstreet for months, until their "demands" have been met.

Then Anonymous got involved...

The hacker group Anonymous made an announcement that they would attend the protests wearing Guy Fox masks from the V for Vendetta movie - and in doing so, broke a US law that states that protesters cannot wear masks during a protest. This sparked a rift between protesters and police, and over 80 arrests were made.

If we look back at the timeline of the US, for example, we can see that there have been thousands of protests over inequality - and yet nothing has really changed - in fact there is exponentially more inequality as our population grows. And ultimately there is no practicality in street protests - firstly because they have no actual impact and we all tend to forget they happened within a few months - secondly because they actually aren't "peaceful" in that they block traffic and keep people from being able to go to their jobs and provoke response from police officers who are just trying to work their jobs.

In fact, what these protesters are doing is creating for themselves the picture presentation of V for Vendetta, where they become the violated peoples who must violently terrorize their offenders in order to revolutionize the world. But again in fact - this is just a story that they can tell to others that has no real or actual impact.

The question remains - do the protesters actually know what the implications are of what they are demanding?

Because our entire system of capitalism supports this inequality in the world - and Equality can only come through a System that Values everyone Equally. This is what the Equal Money System addresses. None of the abuses that we allow in this current system will remain - because no one would be a porn star in an equal money system - no one would make our Nike shoes and get paid only 10 cents an hour - our entire world will change completely into one that supports ALL Life here equally.

None of this will come through protesting. We must stand together and change the LAWS so that each person who is born into this world has Legal support to walk throughout Life. Our entire value system has to change from one that values money above all into one that ONLY VALUES LIFE.

Investigate the Equal Money System at

www.equalmoney.org

and Investigate the New Life System at

www.desteni.co.za

Pattern of Escaping Reality

2011-09-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

I have realized through my process that I have a particular pattern that follows a yearly time loop that I have yet to break down and look at how I have created this pattern and allowed it throughout my life.

The pattern of making a decision to do something, and then fearing that I will not be able to succeed or follow through with what I have committed myself to - and then escaping by making a radical completely opposite decision.

I've seen this play out various times, especially when it comes to relationships, also with jobs, and also where I am living. All of these points go hand-in-hand -- in that they are just the consequences of my own lack of self-trust and my own allowance of fear of commitment.

For example, while I was in college the first time around, I feared making the commitment to work in our world -- I believed that I would be locked down into a single job and that I would never be able to move because I would have so many responsibilities (in the way I understood the word responsibility at that time - it had a negative connotation). So I quit school, ended my relationship with my boyfriend, got rid of all the physical things I had collected over my life, and moved out to Portland to start a new Life.

I repeated this same time loop after a year of living in Portland - I escaped the relationships with my roommates, I quit my job, and I moved to North Dakota.

It was a back door that I was leaving open for myself -- so that no matter what commitments I made, no matter how dedicated I was to whatever I was "pursuing" - I could always just quit it all and move away. And I actually got a good feeling from keeping this back door open - It was a comfort.

It's been over a year since I've been at my current place -- but I can see that I am being tested in my pattern to escape -- lol, actually I am testing myself :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave myself a backdoor to escape from my commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am strong because I have left my backdoor open.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuate a pattern of self-sabotage by participating in escape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can escape from myself and become a new person, instead of realizing that I will carry all of my creations with me until I forgive myself and actively change myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having responsibilities put on my shoulders, instead of realizing that I am responsible for my Self - that I am not a victim - and that I am able to respond to the tasks that are necessary for this business to be successful, for my schooling to be successful, and for me to support Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on the personality of someone who is strong and try to dominate the people and things around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus take on the opposite polarity personality of someone who is weak and cannot commit to act and speak as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuate this polarity and time loop instead of realizing that I must commit to support my self as what is best for all in every moment and that I am able to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will fail and lose my ability to respond - and in doing so I allow myself the consequence of failing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own fear of failure onto other people around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my own fears and perceived inadequecies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up gossip and backchat about myself and others in my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use that gossip and backchat as excuses to why I should keep my backdoor open - instead of realizing that I cannot blame anyone - I can only work with what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use that gossip and backchat as excuses to why I shouldn't "have to" support another person - instead of realizing that I will only be successful myself if I stand and support those who are walking with me to be successful and stable as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my ego to stand in the way of my effective application Here.

I let go of all preconceived ideas about failure.
I clear my definition of commitment - not as a burden - but as my self-directed application.
I clear my definition of responsibility - not as a burden - but as my ability to respond to what is Here.
I clear my definition of failure - not as my impending future - but as an opportunity to support myself and learn from my preprogrammed patterns so that I do not continue to time loop.

I clear my definition of escape - not as a relief - but as an abdication of my Self and my self-direction - which I do not continue to participate in.

I clear my definition of Boss - not as demeaning other people - but as assisting, supporting, and directing others so that all benefit.

Winning and Losing in a Fixed Game

2011-09-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend of mine today about the concept of winning and losing in our world.

He was making the point that he likes winning, that it feels good, and that winning and losing is something that brings integrity to people - because when you win you feel good and you achieve your goal - when you lose you learn from your failure and figure out how to become a winner.

This is the common mentality of people who live in America - who are used to getting a bit of mediocre success based on the American Philosophy that everyone has a chance from birth to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" - although many of them do not actual realize success in terms of actions in their lifetime. I've seen this so many times, even more so when I speak to people who come from lower income areas and backgrounds - they complain about their shitty jobs and how the government is trying to take all their money away, but when I suggest a system that would give everyone equal support - then they immediately quote the American Dream "you are the sole person responsible for your own success in life, new age bullshit".

When I mentioned the big companies like Walmart and Apple that are deliberately abusing people in foreign countries to keep their prices low - my friend said "ah yes, but it is the responsibility of the winner to care about the other people in the game"

Now it is obvious to me that if we look at the reality of how this world works - the people who are REAL winners in this world in terms of our economic and cultural game are those who can make the most amount of money as long as possible - which has no stipulation for "what is best for all" and is only valued in terms of Dollar Points. However, many people still believe this dream that Winners care about the good of Life in general.

What was fascinating about this discussion was the realization that when most people don't think of the economic system when they think of "winning/losing" -- they think of a sports game or a race in their minds. And the excuse is "what's the harm in a game where you learn the importance of hard work and athletic persistence?" - I mean football and soccer don't actually harm anyone in themselves do they?

A couple of hours later - I came across a story on CNN (seemingly insignificant) about a young high school student who was running a cross country race in Minneapolis and came across a rival runner from another high school who had fallen and was bleeding profusely from his foot. This first student picked the other boy up and ran with him back to the start of the race so that he could get medical attention - then the student turned around and ran the rest of the race -- although he did not WIN. The news casters and kids talking in this story were shocked that the student sacrificed losing this important race to help a rival -- BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE WOULD HAVE JUST PASSED HIM BY so that they could win the race and not sacrifice their opportunities for money and fame.

Stories like this are on the front page of CNN because they perpetuate the delusion that real winners are those who care about their fellow man - however IF you care about your fellow man, you will NOT actually WIN in this economic system -- YOU WILL LOSE - just like this student did.

What we are failing to see in all of this is that when we allow ourselves to place value in WINNING - we inevitably create LOSERS. For example -- there is a very small group of people who are multi billionaires in this world - and those people ALWAYS WIN in our current system where money is the key to free choice. The consequence of maintaining this winning streak is that over 4 BILLION PEOPLE ALWAYS LOSE - in that they - throughout their lifetime - only scrape up enough money to sustain basic survival (if even that).

Let's get REAL - if you're reading this - it is likely you will NEVER be a billionaire and neither will anyone you know or have ever met. So don't allow yourself to be deluded by this idea that is perpetuated that you have an opportunity to WIN in this world.

Instead of holding on to this archaic way of thinking - let's consider how we can support each person in this world so that no one has to ever lose!

And YES -- that means that no one will get to win either.

But then again, remember...
no child will have to go hungry tonight
no one will ever be limited due to their place/situation of birth
and you will have actual freedom of choice that everyone supports and your choice will support everyone!!

This makes COMMON SENSE at the most basic level - doesn't it?

Investigate this Life-integrated System at

www.equalmoney.org

and

www.desteni.co.za

Hurricane Destruction Good News for Shareholders

2011-09-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

On my way to school today, I heard a news report on NPR talking about Tropical Storm Lee which is developing into a powerful storm in the Gulf of Mexico, and which will most likely hit Louisiana this weekend. The reporter invited several researchers and politicians to come on and advise the people who are living in the southern states to hold back on their Labor day festivities and prepare for a very bad storm.

Two days earlier, my mother told me about a friend of hers who works part time for State Farm Insurance. In the aftermath of Hurricane Irene which hit the coastal areas of the Northeastern states, this woman was offered a temporary position assisting policyholders with their damage claims due to flooding and high winds. This woman told my mother that she was excited and was definitely going to pack up and fly out to the affected area the next day - because she estimated that she could earn $125,000 in just 8 weeks of commissions as a claims adjuster.

Atleast 25 people died during Irene, and yet someone will always profit off of disaster and death.

The insurance companies don't even bat an eye during one of these storms - even when they have to pay out billions of dollars - since each company makes on average over 45 million dollars in NET profit each year. In fact, many insurance companies totally support the fear mongering that inevitably comes in hand with the Hurricane season here in the South - because most homeowners buy extra insurance policies just before a storm is predicted to hit their area.

What most homeowners don't realize is that often the fine print of their policies don't cover all of the damages that a Hurricane brings - in fact if your home is flooded during a hurricane, your hurricane insurance WILL NOT cover any of the water damage. And, in order to afford the monthly payment for home insurance, most people have to accept an extremely high deductible -- meaning that if a storm does hit their house, they may have to pay around $25,000 out of pocket before the insurance company will pay anything. Insurance companies benefit from these storms, they benefit from the destruction of peoples lives - because if people's lives weren't destroyed then no one would believe in the LIE that is insurance.

In an Equal Money System, NO ONE would profit from another person's suffering and destruction. Insurance would not exist as a money making scheme that only feeds off the devastation of entire communities so that a small group of shareholders can live in multi million dollar mansions. In an Equal Money System - homes can be built considering the inevitability of storms in the areas - with quality construction products that will stand the test of time/storm. And if an area is deemed to be too dangerous to rebuild in, then the communities can decide together how to best support each other in another area. In an Equal Money System - practicality and the Quality of Life will always be considered as the priority in all decisions and actions.

Join the Equal Money Movement - stop big Insurance companies from profiting off of the pain of your fellow men, women, children, animals, plants, and all of Life.

visit

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteni.co.za

Capitalism's Natural Flavors YOU to BUY

2011-08-31T21:18:00.000-07:00

Next time you're in the grocery store and you pick up a box of cereal or a cup of yogurt, check the label for something called "natural flavors".

Here in America, a bill was passed and enacted by the FDA to begin listing ALL of the ingredients on packaged/prepared foods. However, there are a few exceptions to the rules:

How are spices, natural flavors or artificial flavors declared in ingredient lists?
Answer: These may be declared in ingredient lists by using either specific common or usual names or by using the declarations “spices,” “flavor” or “natural flavor,” or “artificial flavor.”
“INGREDIENTS: Apple Slices, Water, Cane Syrup, Corn Syrup, Modified Corn Starch, Spices, Salt, Natural Flavor and Artificial Flavor”

The FDA has allowed companies to bypass the ingredients list law by grouping together a broad range of different things under the name of "natural flavors".

Now, most people completely overlook the "natural flavors" on the ingredient list, and those who see it will most likely assume that "natural flavors" or "spices" simply consist of the long list of herbs that was too long to fit in the space on the packaging.

But, knowing that all profit-driven companies are extremely specific in their marketing, and knowing that they will deliberately put the desires of their shareholders above the health and welfare of actual human beings - these "natural flavors" become a fishy subject - especially when they are in nearly EVERY PRODUCT in your grocery store. Seriously, have a look for yourself.

So what are these natural flavors really?

So-called natural flavor is produced in laboratories to give flavor to processed foods that lose almost all flavor through the processes of freezing, dehydrating, and canning. It is made from infinitesimal amounts of chemicals, or more so a collection of gases.

Natural Flavor is concocted by scientists, naturally called “flavorists”. They are employed by the American flavor industry, which incidentally, has an annual revenue of approximately 1.4 billion dollars. Flavor is where it’s at. If you don’t like how a food tastes, you aren’t going to buy it again. On the other hand, if you love the taste, it will hook you in and keep you strung out until you get your fix again.

Here's the FDA's definition of "natural flavors":

“the essential oil, oleoresin, essence or extractive, protein hydrolysate, distillate, or any product of roasting, heating or enzymolysis, which contains the flavoring constituents derived from a spice, fruit or fruit juice, vegetable or vegetable juice, edible yeast, herb, bark, bud, root, leaf or similar plant material, meat, seafood, poultry, eggs, dairy products, or fermentation products thereof, whose significant function in food is flavoring rather than nutritional”

So why are these natural flavors in all of our packaged food?

When food is processed and packaged in mass amounts at a factory by a major food corporation, the food loses the majority of it's nutrients, flavor, and smell due to the complete disregard for the actual food (again, the people who work within a corporation are only interested in increasing their profit-shares). So in order to keep people from making/growing the food themselves, these corporations have utilized the tool of chemical alteration to make prepackaged food seem much more nutritious and delicious then it actually is.

When it was realized how powerful of a tool these "natural ingredients" really were, how they provided consumers with that extra incentive to BUY MORE - the corporations made it their top priority to get "natural flavors" in every item on the shelves!

Recently I went to a local Whole Foods (which is considered by many to be the best food available) and it was fascinating how even the majority of these so called "natural" foods were really just overly processed and injected with UNnatural Flavors - I mean what the hell does "natural" even mean anymore if it doesn't mean "what the food was made of when it came from the Earth". Our entire financial system has spawned a food industry that is spreading lies and misinformation under the guise of "natural" and "holistic".

I followed this up with a trip to the pet store and despite countless brands - traditional, holistic, organic, natural - there was not a single item that did not contain "natural flavors".

WTF people. We are responsible for this by continuing to support a corrupt money system that completely ignores and shits on the well-being of humans, animals, and all of LIFE. LOL - apparently not even GOD could get the food right -- we had to fix it up with some chemically induced "natural flavors".

Let's stop this madness -- Support the Equal Money System -- where all food is grown and made as supportive of our

physical bodies, the animals, the plants, and the Earth Here.

www.equalmoney.org

www.desteni.co.za

Energy Ties Us to the System

2011-08-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sharing a point here that I walked through and fully realized today.

At the moment, I am attending University to finish my Undergraduate degree in Mathematics in order to apply to law school in the next year or so. My point here is to fully integrate myself in the social and economic system we live in and become an elite within it - so I am creating for myself the opportunity to attend the most elite of law schools here in America (Harvard, Stanford, Columbia, UT, etc...).

Now, in order to be accepted into these high-ranking law schools, I must maintain a grade point average of around 3.8 or higher. Since I had allowed myself in the past semester to not consider the purpose of grades, I have allowed my GPA to fall to a 3.45 - the consequence of this is that I must get A's in every class from here on.

This means that I must check and make sure that I am Here in each breath in each moment - as always, but especially here in this case, and not allow myself to get caught up in the emotions that come along with being in what is considered the "high stress environment" of university/college.

I especially saw this point today during my course in Advanced Linear Algebra. Today, I turned in my homework that I had been working on diligently for the entire week, only to realize that I had not done the correct assignment. This was followed by a pop quiz in the same class where I confused the set of even integers with the set of every other even integer - which lead to me receiving a 50% on the quiz.

After class was over, there was a single moment where I started to feel a pressure in my head/shoulders/chest and I noticed in the mirror that I was walking with one shoulder hanging down and my chin jutting out towards the floor and dragging my feet with each step. It was quite a painful way to walk.

I started to look at what I was allowing here in this moment - the emotions and feelings that I had "totally screwed up" and "fucked myself" - and I looked around at my fellow students and many of them were walking in the same way. This university is where we are being trained to feel like a victim to the system - so that when we graduate and get jobs at big companies, we will allow ourselves to get pushed around all in the name of money.

I mean what had actually happened in reality - I did not correctly READ what I needed to do. Which does not mean that I am "bad" or that I should get emotional about making a mistake and project into the future as an image of a failure- it simply means that I must SLOW DOWN and focus on each task until it is completed.

My self-forgiveness and self-corrections are still "after the fact"= meaning I still have to face my self-created consequences- however I am supporting myself to not define myself as my preprogrammed and preconceived failures - and instead let go of the emotional baggage which can only limit.

Dangerous Poison Found on Airplanes Across the World

2011-08-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

In the past month, there have been many news stories about people who do stupid and dangerous things after consuming alcohol during an airplane flight.

**Man Urinates on Young Girls Leg during Flight**

**Woman performs Erotic Dance to Unwitting Passengers**

**Man Threatens to Stab Flight Attendant and Pilot**

**Woman attacks Flight Crew after Drinking from Secret Stash**

(etc...)

In each of these cases, the person acting stupid/violent had consumed alcohol either in the airport before their flight or on the plane itself.

Lot's of bloggers/internet critics say that these people are a fluke and that alcohol should still be allowed on flights for people who get stressed out and need to calm down.

However research shows that alcohol has the opposite effect and tends to make people even more anxious and nervous:

Alcohol heightens a stressful experience.
Unless you haven’t flown in a few years, you probably know that air travel is getting more stressful. Alcohol can make it worse, say experts. “Drinking on planes has unique hazards, particularly as flying becomes more stressful,” says Karen Sternheimer, a sociologist who teaches at the University of Southern California. “If there is a long delay on the tarmac the irritation can be magnified by alcohol.” At a bare minimum, passengers need to be sober enough to understand and cooperate with crew instructions. “Under increasingly stressful conditions, too much alcohol can make a simple annoyance into a serious problem,” she adds.

Drinks on a plane aren’t just intoxicating — they’re toxic.
“Higher altitudes do amplify the affect of alcohol, which, as you can imagine, can cause problems for passengers that imbibe too much,” says Ashley Halsey, a spokeswoman for American Behavioral, a healthcare organization that specializes in drug and alcohol abuse and treatment for employers. “Because alcohol impairs judgment, the likelihood of violent or other anti-social behavior is increased. When people fly, they also get dehydrated, and alcoholics tend to drink alcohol instead of water, which tends to increase their adverse reaction.”

7. How are you getting home?
Even if you survive your flight without incident, there remains the issue of getting back home. If you’re planning to drive, you might keep the case of Dana Papst in mind. A few years ago, after disembarking from a US Airways flight on which he was served alcohol, he crashed his car, killing himself and five others. The FAA later cleared the airline of any wrongdoing.

And yet nearly ALL airports and airlines serve alcohol pre-flight and during the flight. -- and remember, none of them will take any responsibility for you getting drunk and what you do when you're drunk

What is going on here? Where is the common sense - that anyone who serves alcohol is equally responsible for drunkeness as those who drink the alcohol and get drunk.

There are about 17,000 alcohol related car accident deaths in the United States each year, this means that there is a drunk driving death every 31 minutes. Alcohol was a factor in 39 percent of all fatal accidents and in 7 percent of all crashes in 2004.
Additionally about 248,000 people are injured in accidents where police reported that alcohol was present, thus one person is injured in a drunk driving accident in the US every 2 minutes.

Stand Up and Put an End to this Abuse - Ban Alcohol for Everyone - so we all take Equal Responsibility for Life here on Earth.

www.desteni.co.za

Trust in Self to Express in a Moment

2011-07-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

I noticed a point the other day at our Sales Meeting with Cam/Dee/Darryl.

It was a point of change within myself that I have been directing over the past 3 years, but is just now integrated as my Self.

It is this point of listening to another person speak and directing myself to consider all the consequences of what they are saying and breathe and reply to them without having to think of what I am going to say.

This is fascinating because I have always in the past been an "overanalyzer" - in that I would sit in a conversation in my mind and try to think of clever and important things to say -- never actually hearing the other person and the conversations would usually end as a battle of egos.

So to simply stop this point within myself of trying to "think" of what to say --

Allow myself to be HERE with another person when they are speaking to me - See where they are placing themselves - See if there is backchat going on in myself as the other person ---

Then responding with COMMON SENSE -- saying what needs to be said to support not only my Self but myself as that other person.

What I've noticed in applying this point in each and every conversation that I have -- is that ACTION comes from the words we speak to each other. Because when we delete our need to "be right" or "be clever" we are able to actually communicate with all people equally.

So this is the point I am currently pushing myself to be consistent in - FUN so far!

Modern Society is Killing Us, Literally

2011-07-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am currently taking a Nutrition course at my university and it is fascinating what is revealed when we look at the consequences of living in a society that is hell-bent on making Capitalism the KING of the world.

It began in the 1920s, when advertising began to utilize the techniques of Psychology - manipulating people to believe that they NEED to have many things to make their Lives Easy. By the 1950s - people could go from their home to their car to the shop and back and only spend a few minutes out in the environment. Convenience became one of the biggest selling points - up to 2011 - where we can sit on the internet and purchase everything we could possibly desire and never even leave our home.

"the way to break the vicious deadlock of a low standard of living

is to spend freely, and even waste creatively"

-Christine Frederick (1929)

And we simply accept that this is the way Life is supposed to be - that we are supposed to eat prepackaged foods that can be prepared in less than 10 minutes - that we can order our dinner over the phone and have it delivered in less than 30 minutes - that our movies and TV shows are now ON-Demand, so no more trips to the video store.

However, very few people consider the consequences of valuing Convenience over Quality (which for many is valuing Preference over Principle) --

Let's look at pre-packaged foods for example:

* The companies that process the major food groups -> grains and corn ->

are focused solely on profit - so grains and corn are usually processed with chemicals

that speed up the processing time and allow for massive amounts of the product to be

processed at once.

^ These processes strip most of the nutrients and minerals from the food - which companies

then attempt to add nutrients back into the food to "fortify" the foods. However, often times

these nutrients are not active and do not effectively provide the proper support for the body

in the way that fresh foods do.

^Since the companies are focused solely on profit - they want their products to last long enough

for the products to make it to the grocery stores and sit on the shelves before going bad.

Thus, the majority of products on the shelves contain "preservatives" which are chemicals

that are added to food.

The convenience of "never leaving home" has a consequence that is quickly catching up to us:

* More and more people in 1st world countries have been found to have a Vitamin D deficiency - because less and less people are spending the required 10-15 minutes outside in the Sun each day.

^Vitamin D deficiency can lead to weakened bones (osteoperosis) and can cause children to have deformed legs due to poor bone composition (rickets)

Many people try to avoid these problems by taking Supplements - which are pills/capsules/powders that contain the vitamins and minerals that are lacking in their diet.

--However we must consider that the Supplement industry is first and foremost a Capitalist entity - and therefore values money over the health of humanity

*Many Supplements are recommended at a much higher dosage than is necessary - which can cause toxicity.

^For example, Vitamin D supplements can cause a toxicity in the body that leads to kidney stone formation and calcium build-ups in the heart and lungs - it can also affect the function of the central nervous system (which directs all physical movement in the body!).

Are YOU afraid of Money?

2011-06-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

So a point came up for me to look at today in terms of money...

Before all of the people came for the Desteni America meeting here in Houston, I made it clear how much money they were to bring to assist with food during their stay, based on my own calculations. But when each person arrived to the house and offered me the money we had agree upon, I hesitated and often tried to turn away some of the money - second guessing the amount, feeling guilt about them having to give it to me, looking down and away from the money. I did not want to consider this particular point in the moment - and I went through the same time loop with each person who handed me their money for food.

Cameron pointed this out to me today as we were discussing how the transfer of money between two people brings up all kinds of points of guilt and often leads to miscommunication and awkwardness, and I realized that I had deliberately fucked myself within this particular point - 15 times - over and over again.

When I bring each moment here that I interacted with each person handing me the money - I see that I allowed myself to go into thoughts of feeling sorry for that other person for having to pay to stay in my home, thoughts of "I am a host and I should pay for their comfort" - even though I could not have practically managed this point, the thoughts were of self-sacrifice over the point of guilt of money.

What is fascinating is that the expression of myself in that moment of taking the money from the other person was completely directed by the bullshit thoughts in my head. And my words to the other person were unclear; often excuses opening a back-door so I could escape my feelings of guilt and shame. I had to quickly redirect myself back here in Reality and push myself to allow the money to be passed to me.

After several chats this weekend, I realized that money has been the number 1 excuse I've used to argue and create conflict in my life, especially in my relationships - because by not communicating clearly and openly about the survival system we are using, we allow fear of not surviving to overcome all lines of communication - and opening the "back-chat" door - where we plot and scheme and blame others in our minds for not giving us money or taking money from us, hiding and suppressing our desires and intentions- instead of realizing that when we are completely open and self-honest about money, we will not have conflict because we can agree upon a system that everyone is aware of and can adhere to simply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being given money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the action of being handed money with guilt and shame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by guilt and shame when being handed money instead of realizing and responding to the agreement I made with the visitors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the guilt and shame to the point of not counting the money and simply shoving it in my pocket.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to make the money dissappear by putting it in my pocket without counting it, not realizing the consequences that I may have taken too much or too little money from that person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the practicality that clear communication of how much money a person has given me through confirmation of counting it in front of that person is the most effective way to transfer money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to look a certain way in the other person's mind as a generous and caring host.

I stop valuing money as something more than a piece of paper we use to pay for items in this world.
I stop attaching guilt and shame to the physical piece of paper as money.
I stop reacting to being given money by looking away and avoiding the money.
I support myself to communicate clearly with another person on how much money they must give to me for a particular point.
I support myself to communicate clearly with another person by counting the money they have given me and confirming so that I do not create unnecessary consequences.

That's all for now, I'll check this point again soon.

Desteni America Meeting 2011 - Perspective and Feedback

2011-06-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

We had the Desteni America meeting here in Houston this past weekend, and it was a really cool point for me to walk through.

In my past experiences/memories, events like this were stressful - in that I usually stressed myself out the entire time by thinking about what I would be doing/what I should be doing/ what is going wrong, etc... Also, I used to be completely consumed with my image of myself - in that I was constantly comparing myself to others and then building my experience and my expression upon my own self-doubt and self-hatred. This is a point that I've been working on since I left the farm in SA a year ago (where this point was so intensified that I had no choice but to face myself and STOP).

So, during this meeting - while participating with everyone here in the chats and laughter - instead of accepting and allowing myself to see this particular meeting as an abstract "event" - I simply allowed myself to remain here in each moment, which was actually a physical release/relaxation.

That single point, of not creating an idea about this meeting, or the people, or the words they said, or the actions they took (removing all the distractions) - allowed me to be Here and communicate directly with each person. I could actually HEAR what the other person was saying - which I couldn't do when my mind was all full of thoughts and judgments.

This tool is so simple - remaining in breath - and yet it is the only point that gives us actual power - in that we can stand stable and support ourselves to remove all limitations and work Here. And when a group of people gather together, all remaining in Breath - it is quite a powerful force, since all are directly communicating with each other - which removes the separation that causes failure and conflict.

I appreciate this opportunity to show myself that I am able to stand Clear and Here with all the Destonians who attended - as effectively as we stand together online. Thanks to all who attended!

Why the US does not Stop Genocide in Bahrain...

2011-05-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

The U.S. has often proclaimed that it gets involved in wars in order to "spread democracy" and "stop tyrannical rule" and support "regime change" across the world. Americans hear this from their government leaders and accept/believe that we are justified in sending heavy militia to foreign countries under the guise that we are the "saviors".

When you read about the history of America's foreign wars - you start to see a pattern. America makes the decision whether or not to get it's military involved when one or more of the following points are affected:

1. American businesses have a stronghold (oil, food, labor) in the country.
2. America needs a military stronghold in that country to protect itself.
3. America can spread it's Christian religion to that country effectively

And you can see this obvious pattern if you investigate the America's wars/military operations over the past 100+ years in all of the following countries:

Hawaii, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Nicaragua, China, Korea, Panama, Guam, Samoa, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Russia, Yugoslavia, Guatemala, Turkey, El Salvador, Iran, Uruguay, Greece, Germany, Vietnam, Egypt, Lebanon, Laos, Iraq, Afghanistan, Indonesia, Cambodia, Angola, Grenada, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Somalia, Haiti, Lybia, etc...

In nearly every one of these conflicts with the above countries - American leaders have used the excuse of "The United States has a responsibility to spread Freedom and Democracy across the world". I call this an 'excuse' because there have been several genocides overlooked by Americans specifically because they did not fit into the pattern we have noted above.

For example - the genocide in Rwanda.
In 1994, approximately 800,000 Tutsis Rwandans were slaughtered by the Hutu lead government of Rwanda. The U.S. cannot claim ignorance of the violence, since the CIA informed President Clinton early on of the violence. Despite numerous pleas from the Tutsis refugees and the UN, the United States refused to take directive action to immediately stop the genocide. Why?... "because the United States had no interests in Rwanda, a small central African country with no minerals or strategic value" (citation). Visit Here for more information on the Genocide in Rwanda

Another example - the genocide in Darfur.
Since February 2003, the Sudanese government in Khartoum and the government-sponsored Janjaweed militia have used rape, displacement, organized starvation, threats against aid workers and mass murder. Violence, disease, and displacement continue to kill thousands of innocent Darfurians every month. (citation). So far, atleast 400,000 civilians have been killed - 2.5 million displaced as refugees. Although the U.S. government has 'spoken out' against the daily genocide in Darfur, they have no strategic or business interest in the country to protect. Also, interestingly enough, since the conflict in Darfur is between two Muslim factions, the U.S. has no religious interest in Darfur either.

So, now we come to the genocide in Bahrain.
In this case, the U.S. has a strong interest in maintaining the current monarchy in Bahrain. One reason is the stronghold of American businesses in Bahrain - 1.5 billion dollars in goods are traded between the two countries every year. Another reason is the stronghold of American military in Bahrain - American's Fifth Fleet command center, which is essential to keep an eye on Iran (citation). The protestors in Bahrain are largely Shia Muslims speaking out against the Sunni Muslims, so no specific religious interest.

As we can clearly see - the U.S. follows a pattern of military intervention - not at all based on whether human rights are being abused or whether democracy must be spread - but only based on money and military power.

We find this unacceptable. Capitalism should not come before Life, and yet we as consumers allow this everyday by not insisting that our government looks at real solutions to stop the violence and killing of our fellow civilians across the world.

All of this will end in a Worldwide Equal Money System, because Life will be valued above all else.

Stop Genocide from EVER happening,

Be One Vote for an Equal Money System!

www.equalmoney.org

If you are further interested in the History of America's involvement in foreign affairs, I recommend to read the book 'Overthrow: America's Century of Regime Change from Hawaii to Iraq ' by Stephen Kinzer - a fascinating walkthrough of America's overthrow of foreign governments since 1893.

Tag You're It - Wake Up in an Equal Money System

2011-05-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Watch This YOUTUBE Video!!!

None hath more Maggots than Me!

2011-04-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the Maggots point has come up again.

I am currently changing the way I eat to incorporate more fruits and vegetables - so I've been buying more produce at the grocery store each week.

Last time, we went to an Asian market that had a lot of exotic looking fruits. I was intrigued and decided to buy a dark green ball called a "cherimoya". I know nothing about this fruit, no idea how to tell if it is ripe, etc... It was an "impulsed buy".

So, I bring this pretty green ball home and set it on our fruit shelf. That was a few days ago.

Just now, I decided to cut it open and try it out. I brought the fruit up to my nose and took a deep whiff, it smelled very fruity! Then I noticed there was liquid seeping from the fruit onto the shelf. When I looked at the fruit in the light, I saw a group of tiny maggots around the top of the fruit where the stem was pulled off.

What a fuckin' cool reflection of what happens when I make decisions based on an idea and a desire?? My decision doesn't stand, it dies - and I've wasted away, having to start over from the beginning again.

My guides are billions of Maggots. LOL

No light and love, just physical reality here.

Are you afraid? -Maggots

2011-04-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

I have a compost box in our backyard.

The other day, I went out to dump some more scraps into the box, and was shocked to find thousands of maggots throughout the box.

My reaction was telling - I have a preconceived idea about maggots, that they are "disgusting" and "creepy". Memories popped up of seeing maggots coming out of Zombies' eyes in movies and television. Up popped a picture of my dead grandmother at her funeral - with maggots as her hair. I felt a creeping energy pass through my body, fueled by these thoughts, that was itching my legs to run back into the house and get someone else to throw the box away.

Instead, I breathed in that moment, watching the little maggots crawl deep into the box and out of the sunlight. I took my big fork and gently turned the compost a bit. There are all kinds of bugs in here! I saw my red wiggler earthworms (which I bought and placed in this box), odd looking roaches, beetles, and a variety of different kinds of maggots.

It was fascinating for me to look at my preprogrammed ideas about bugs - specifically maggots - whom I had built up in my mind as "harbingers of death", and as I stood there realizing that actually these maggots are Life. The flies laid their eggs on the rotting/dying fruits and within a day or so, brand new baby maggots pop up resiliently. They feed off the fruit, pooping out nice black shit, and then they hatch into little flies themselves.

I found out that the maggots were actually assisting with my composting - however, it was overrun with maggots because I was not composting correctly. I had allowed the compost to get "too wet" without enough dry materials like leaves.

So for now, I have a militia of maggots in my box, who are actually quite fascinating (they can eat a whole apple in a matter of hours) :)

-------------------------------------------
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the maggots in my compost box.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the maggots are invaders in MY compost box, instead of realizing that they are simply here as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my bubble of MY life, as what is mine , and my environment, instead of being here with all animals/creatures/bugs/birds/plants/organisms living together here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to maggots based on my preconceived ideas of "who" maggots are and what they represent in my mind - instead of realizing that those preconceived ideas are not real and are only supporting my limitations of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the idea of maggots as "gross" and to judge their design as "slimy" and "creepy", instead of simply seeing them for who they are as what they do that is essential for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to kill all the maggots so that I can have a clean compost box.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of how to murder the maggots.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about taking away the food source for the maggots.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the compost box, seeing it as a thing that should bend to my will - instead of seeing the potential as Life within every item that I place in the box.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be fearful of death - as a picture of stiffness with maggots crawling through my hair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the pictures and ideas from movies and television as my standard for judging the world around me - instead of simply remaining here, working with what is here, without preconceived ideas and thus without limitations.

You Can't Cheat the System

2011-03-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off paying my taxes (personal & business) for the past month. When we first started the business, I read a lot of books about Small Business Taxes and was very diligent in keeping records and receipts. I built up an idea for myself that I was "effective enough" to do my own taxes, and continued to simply place the Tax point "out of sight, out of mind".

And now I am facing the consequences.

Taxes are due mid-April, and I spent the entire day today going through an enormous pile of receipts and pay stubs, trying to find ways to keep from having to pay the IRS a shitload of money! (lol, Moan -eh)

I am filling out my tax forms using a software called TurboTax, which neatly places all of your information in flash style application, so that I feel somewhat confident that "everything will be all right".

However, towards the end of the application, I realize that I will have to pay $1,420!!

So at this point, a thought comes up of "How about I CHEAT a little bit".

And I go with this thought a bit more, considering that since I don't have records for $5,000 of income I received last summer, perhaps I'll just not claim that income and reduce my tax payment by $1,000.

I start to really consider this, going back and forth on TurboTax, trying to adjust little points here and there to bring my payment further and further down.

And as I am about to submit the form, I breathe and stop what I'm doing.

I look at the possible consequence of being Audited by the IRS, and an energetic feeling of fear comes up. I am afraid of being pursued by the IRS for lying on my taxes, I am afraid of being put in jail, I imagine a hoard of IRS agents berating me and shaming me for lying, all of these fantastical thoughts come up.

I Stop Again, breathe.

Cameron and I discuss the point, apply self-forgiveness, and I see that it is not valid to try to Cheat the System. Best to face what is here, the consequence of waiting and not considering taxes, and pay what I now owe. I also see how to support myself to comply with the system, creating an accounting system here using the tools I am learning in my classes in school.

Very cool Point!!!

I Can't Go Back and Take the Blue Pill.

2011-03-22T19:42:00.000-07:00

There is a resistance towards admitting this point to myself.

I have accepted and allowed myself to spiral down into an energetic "low".

To a point where I am "dis-appointed" in myself for avoiding myself and accepting myself as lesser than.

This has happened many times in my "story",

where I've allowed myself to participate in fantasies in my mind, which aren't possible here in this reality, and I then rollercoaster into the depths of depression which was partnered with drinking, smoking pot, dropping acid, etc...

There are no drugs or alcohol this time, but I clearly recognized the consequences of allowing myself to participate in thoughts of self-judgment and self-hatred.

This particular cycle has accumulated over the past week, where I have begun to doubt my decision to study business, and have begun to compulsively eat and sleep long hours.

The lowest point, today, was seeing the pictures of an old friend on facebook and allowing a moment of jealousy about her picture presentation of her life as an "artist". She has a lot of pictures of herself with many different people, in many different places that I have identified and placed within my mind as "cool" and "fun". In a single moment, I perceived this girl as being "free", living the system life that I wished I could have. And I desire to let go of process and simply not exist as real, but only as my own self enjoyment and idea of a "fun life" - Take the Blue Pill.

I see the delusion within this, I know that I am participating in a polarity wherein I am comparing my own inaction with the "perceived life" that I "believe" another person has.
And I admit to myself here, that I do have the desire to fuck off with process and try to create myself as this picture presentation that I am comparing myself to.

But that doesn't make my desire Real.

That doesn't make the picture presentation Real.

These are only ideas in my mind.

Simple Common Sense.

What I do see within this point, is that I am not breathing and acting each moment to my full potential.

I have been allowing myself to exist as "overwhelmed", which is a cycling pattern for me.

"Overwhelmed" is what I have used as an excuse to "take it easy" = "take the easy way out".

I also see that I am still allowing myself to be dependent on energetic motivation to move.

And really, I have fucked myself into thinking that I have made any progress within this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as Depression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cycle within energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be motivated by "high" energy to act and move, without considering that the consequence of this is the "low" polarity point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe myself fall into a pit/rut, instead of always participating here within and as myself as Breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself for being dependent on energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as "wrong" and "fucked" for being dependent on energy to move myself in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for not participating fully Here in my responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of *******, as I believe her to exist as a picture presentation on Facebook.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous that she looks like she is having more fun in her life than I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit her to an idea and perception that I have in my mind, instead of communicating and being with her Here as One as Equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "artists" are more free, when in reality we all allow ourselves to be limited by the same systems : money, emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to escape from my Self in fantasies in my head of "what my life would be like if I was free".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about leaving this house and my responsibilities here and moving back to Portland to "be a musician"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my expression depends on the environment that I live in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and my expression within fantasies in my mind to "having fun" as being necessity to whether I am happy and enjoying life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to escape from my responsibilities within what I have created here as the business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "stuck" within the business, instead of realizing that the business will move when I stand here and support myself to move without being energetically motivated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "stuck" within my agreement, instead of seeing that my agreement will grow when I stand equal and one to my partner and not allow a single point of separation or dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "stuck" within my process, instead of realizing that I will change and move within my process when I stand and support myself with self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and consistent application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to "give-up" on myself instead of realizing that I cannot give-up on myself because I already have the tools to support myself, I just have to apply myself as self-directed support.

Taking Advantage - Earthquakes and iPads

2011-03-12T19:07:00.000-08:00

Two events coincided and were the top stories in the news yesterday

One was the earthquake and tsunami that hit coastal Japan, wiping out entire cities and killing thousands of people.

The other was the release of a new piece of technology, the coveted iPad 2, which had thousands waiting in line at Apple stores across the United States for hours just to take one home.

What is fascinating about these two events, even though they seem to not have much in common, is that both were full of people trying to "take advantage" of the anxiety and emotions of other human beings.

For example, in relation to the devastation in Japan, many pseudo charities are popping up all over the Internet asking for donations for the hundreds of thousands of stranded Japanese citizens. The coordinators of these "fake" charities know that many people across the world feel extremely emotional and guilty about this disaster, and they give these people an opportunity to relieve their guilt by entering in their credit card numbers under the pretense that some poor homeless Japanese family will be able to rebuild their home due to their unconditional generosity. And those who gave their money in these scams, they did feel better about their own comfortable life even as the Japanese people continue to suffer.

This is accepted within this world, because WE ALL ACCEPT that No matter what happens, no matter how many people are killed in a tragedy, no matter how guilty we feel that we're glad it didn't happen to the rest of us, we can always make it better by passing around some money.

And that just opens the door for those who want an Advantage, who believe that they deserve the money passed to them.

Fascinatingly enough, the exact same point came up in the iPad lines across America. People were standing outside of stores for up to 40 hours, camping out in order to be the first to get their hands on new technology. Since there were only a limited number of IPads at each store, this meant that some of those people in line weren't going to get the prize of their obsession. And here is where the Advantage Takers swoop in. Many of the first people waiting in these lines were buying iPads in order to turn around and sell on Craigslist and EBay for a highly marked-up price. They knew that those who didn't get a chance in line, or who didn't want to wait in line would "pay the price" to get this tech treasure as soon as possible. Even better, Apple wasn't releasing the iPad internationally for 2 more weeks, so many scammers knew that Europeans would pay top dollar. The "gotta have it now" emotional point opened the door for many to make a quick buck.

Our current capitalistic system supports the creation of demonic entities within all of us. Guilt, Manipulation, Fear, Obsession, all of these are fueled by the way we value money over Life. We try to cure ourselves tragedy and guilt through money, we try to cure our possessive obsessions with money, and this gives permission for anyone who wants their slice to abuse and lie in order to get it.

Meanwhile, people are actually suffering daily from poverty. They stand no chance, because no one is interested in actually supporting them equally and unconditionally. They die daily because we can't let go of our emotional bullshit and consider what is best for all.

Are you ready to give up your obsessions, your guilt, and stand up and value Life?

Visit www.desteni.co.za and www.equalmoney.org for information and support

Don't Re-Invent the Wheel

2011-03-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

So a point came up yesterday that showed me the entire time loop that I've been in for the past year since we've come home from SA.

At first, when faced with this reality that I'm actually exactly where I was one year ago, no movement or self directed action within the software business, I immediately began to defend myself and my non-movement.

I allowed a moment of self-denial, denying myself and limiting myself as Waiting.

This time loop began when Cameron and I came back from SA and I went to try to talk to the principle at a local school. I chose this particular school because It was the school that I attended as a child, and I believed that I would be welcomed back as an alumni.

When I drove up to the school, everything was different, and in a moment I got super nervous. I walked in and asked if I could speak to the principle, and was immediately turned down, and told that I could not go into any HISD school without getting permission from headquarters.
So, I accepted this rejection as me... And Ive existed in fear of rejection for the past year.

In fear, I've deliberately slowed down the process here, trying to make everything perfect so that when I go out and face the world, I won't be rejected. I didn't see for myself that this idea of perfection is a fantasy and an excuse for not acting in the best interest of everyone here and everyone who is interested in participating in selling the software.

Wake-up call in a recent chat with Bernard darryl and dee

Stop the time loop here. Focus on the tools we already have, that have been proven to work. Prove to myself that I can stand and face rejection, because success is based on number of people impulsed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself To exist as fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my fear in action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt the software, through my doubt of myself to sell the software
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt the presentation, as my self-doubt to effectively give the presentation to parents
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting my self doubt onto cameron and matti.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in waiting for perfection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in e idea of perfection instead of remaining here and working with what matters in reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defend my belief systems instead of using common sense.

I start over.
I let go of all ideas of what should be.
I work with simplicity.
I move here as self-direction.
I delete all fear that I have allowed to hold me back from placing myself fully within the business.

Commitment in a Moment

2011-03-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

*Note*

Many times I have made commitments that I have not fully placed myself within and as.

This is due to my starting point in each decision to "commit" to something.

This comes up especially within the points of Eating and Exercising.

These particular points have a lot of extra mind shit tacked onto them:

Body Image, Self-Doubt, Comparison, Judgment, etc...

So I've always failed within my commitment to finding a more supportive way

to Eat and Exercise, because I've always allowed myself to make the commitment

within a starting point that is Mind-based and not based on what is best for me

as what is best for all.

I will not allow myself to make an empty commitment here, I will simply work

with what is here in each moment with the knowledge and information that I

have proven to myself to be practically supportive.

I will not allow myself to direct my physical actions based on ideas/images/thoughts/desires

of how I "should" be. I know that each time I make a commitment within this

lack of self-direction, I am motivating myself by energy and I will therefore face the

consequences of "quitting" when that energy is gone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Each day I am pushing myself to be Here as my Physical Body.

Every moment, I am considering what is best for me as my Physical Body.

I am moving and directing myself based on practical points that I see clearly.

I am not allowing myself to participate in energetic motivation.

I am Here working with my Self in each Moment as Self-Discipline and Self-Trust.

I am eating based on what my body requires, not based on thoughts and desires.

If a thought or desire comes up related to food, I immediately apply self-forgiveness,

and check if my body is dehydrated (and get a glass of water).

I enjoy and appreciate every sip that I take of water as nourishment and care for my

Physical Body. I enjoy and appreciate every bite of food that I put into my mouth,

as the unconditional support that I am giving to myself.

I realize that my Physical Body is best supported by moderate exercise every day,

I have proven this by actually doing it, without expectations or judgements.

I enjoy and appreciate every step I take and every turn of my pedal

as support for my Physical Body.

I do not allow myself to participate in "eagerness" and projection into the future

as energetic motivation to push myself too hard within exercising.

I remain Here, as the Physical and I only go as fast or as far as I can in order

to support myself fully.

I've noticed over the past few days that by directing myself within these simplistic

points of Eating and Exercise, I do not have the energy to feed my mind.

I simply eat enough to support myself within my daily movement and exercise,

and there is no energy left for my mind to run on.

And by not overeating at night, I find it is much simpler to support myself to wake-up

in the morning.

So all of these points are to be moved in each moment.

If I fail within a single moment, I do not allow myself to go into the depths of failure.

I forgive myself, stand up, and continue to do what is best for all as my Physical Body.

Simple Common Sense.

Equal Money Don't Compete

2011-02-28T02:42:00.000-08:00

I am currently in a Marketing class where we are learning how to properly sell a product to consumers through a deep analysis of markets and impulsing consumer desires/needs/wants.

Our first project is a mock "sale", where we will set up a quick 5 minute appointment with a fake company called "Practically Pretty" (a cosmetic company) in order to build a sales presentation specifically for them to buy HP notebook computers. Our appointment will be recorded on video and we will get individual feedback from our Professor and T.A.'s.

In order to prep for this project, our professor has given us the videos from an American National Collegiate Sales Competition to watch and mimic the basic strategy.
Here is the winner:
http://coles.kennesaw.edu/ncsc/kristen_2010.html

It is fascinating to watch the interaction between the personalities of the seller and buyer in this video. The buyer (a top manager of some medical supply company) is completely consumed with the idea of "busy-ness" as well as "power". He expresses frustration that the seller has gone "behind his back" and spoken to his employees about the product. The seller is awkwardly apologetic and continues to repeat "I'm so sorry" while trying to steer the conversation back to the presentation.

Of course, all of this is a simulation, but it clearly shows that these two personalities are just bumping against each other without actually clearly communicating. The buyer cannot communicate an actual practical point that is necessary for creating a more efficient medical supply service, because his starting point is that he is the one in power and must rush through the meeting. The seller has to spend the entire appointment trying to compensate for the buyer's power-trip by taking on a personality that is "lesser-than". A mini-competition goes on between these two until one gives in and declares a "winner".

And we are learning in class that this is simply "the way IT is" - Business is Busy-ness. Companies gotta Fight for their Right to Sell Products/Services.

In an Equal Money System, this whole process will completely disappear. Companies will work together to come up with products that practically assist all Life. There will be no need for bullshit and ego-boosting, because the people communicating can not only consider self-interest or only the interest of their company, they must consider what is best for all.

Have a look at how this simplifies the entire process of production. No competition, no need to mark-up or reduce prices. There will be no scarcity, because when one product is unable to be made, companies will move on to a replacement that makes Sense.

Business in Equal Money

2011-02-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

The more and more that points are coming together within the businesses, the more I'm seeing business as an opportunity to express myself as what is best for all.

Basically I am building systems,
1. the starting point of selling a quality product to make money as profit
2. establishing the foundation of direct materials, direct labor, manufacturing overhead
3. the process from creation of product -> marketing -> selling -> servicing
4. and mapping out how to do all of this to make the most profit at the lowest cost while bringing the highest quality and value to the customer so that they trust Me as the organization and they will encourage others to buy the product as well.

No point can be overlooked without facing direct consequences that can be traced throughout the entire system.

For most people, the motivation of money is enough to push them to obsess with these systems, but often times compensations/compromises will be made under the cover of "brand image" that will completely devalue the productiveness of the product, for example the rapid devaluing of most laptops.
This is how business deliberately fails to support everyone equally, and separates the company from their customers all in the name of profit.

Equal Money means that in order for business to still be around, for a "company" of people to make a product that is best for all in all ways, the practical applicability and longevity of a product will be it's Value. The company will be Valued according to it's ability to create products that Support Life.

Equality Business = Mapping out of ideas and allocating resources to create tools for Life.

Stand up from Death

2011-02-17T13:47:00.000-08:00

For the past 3 days, I have been DEAD.

Well, close enough...

On Monday, I came home from school with a bad cough, like the hacking cough an old smoker has - which is fascinating, because on the drive to school that morning I had a thought about the new American Spirit cigarrettes that came out recently in a bright orange package -- lol SMOOTH, MELLOW...

This cough was neither smooth nor mellow, it was painful and debilitating, and LOUD. By Tuesday, I got a fever along with this hacking cough that I experienced as a roller coaster of HOT & COLD chills and aches.

At a certain point, I realized that I was still "fighting" against getting "sick". As if, somehow I could change the virus's course with my thoughts and "willpower", lol. I was a bit disappointed in myself for getting sick so quickly after having the flu two weeks ago, as well as not being able to fulfill my responsibilities towards school and towards cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs, completing my set tasks within the business, etc... It was obvious that no amount of "disappointment" as thought in my head would "cure" a virus, so I decided to allow myself to rest and give my body the support it needed to let the virus pass through.

So for the rest of the day, I lay in bed, drenched in a hot sweat which within a matter of minutes turned into an icy freeze. This went on through the night, and into Wednesday morning, which was also the beginning of severe congestion and a piercing headache. When I woke up this morning(Thursday), the headache was contained within each of my eyeballs, painful to the point that I could not open my eyes because of the small amount of light coming from the window in the bedroom. So I allowed myself to sleep into the afternoon, until I could open my eyes without too much pain and Breathe.

So, now I am "back to Life"... Breathing clear.

Oh yeah, normally when I am sick I use TV and movies to "bide my time", but since I've committed to 21 days of no entertainment, I have not allowed myself to fall on this point, so I was the full Experience of Death as Sickness, LOL.

Stop Feeding the Mind

2011-02-13T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have decided to stop all points of entertainment for the next 21 days.

I see clearly that I have created an addiction to this point of "one movie a night" over the past 2 weeks, and within this I have allowed myself to sit in inaction "waiting" for the point where I get to "relax".
I am feeding my mind with so many pictures, that it all builds up at the moment before I go to bed, and then I have a lot of difficulty sleeping.

This commitment will also assist me to push through the establishment of our newly developed income opportunity, which will require a lot of dedication in order to bring it into action within the next 2 weeks.

Deleting all excuses so that I can be Here and work with what is Here.

The American Nightmare

2011-02-09T03:23:00.000-08:00

Expanding on my blog post from yesterday The Money System is a Barbaric Caste System

The American Dream is an integral belief that maintains the Capitalistic Power of the United States.

From a very young age, children's minds are pumped full of messages that they are "blessed" to live in America, where "everyone has the opportunity to Rise up in the Ranks" and "Live a Life of Luxury", all you have to do is "work hard" "be an individual" and "Go for the Gold". They see it in shows like iCarly, Hannah Montana, and The Suite Life, where the characters are symbols of what "life is like" = a whimsical fun game where people do not worry about survival and get to freely express themselves as emotional "artists".

And this theme persists, in every TV show, every Film, this fantasy that makes Having Stuff = Happiness. Yet obviously, this fantasy has no roots in Reality for the majority of Americans.

So it's no wonder, when I speak to people Here in America in regards to the Money System, most complain about it, yet ultimately Defend the Money System. Even those who would be considered "poor", who struggle daily with money, will Defend Capitalism.

Whats going on here?

What I've found is that even those who don't have money in America still Dream of having Money,
and they strongly hold onto the Hope that "some day" they will be Millionaires.
They still Fantasize about the "finer things" = mansions, bentleys, rolex watches, fancy vacations.
And those who don't actually direct themselves to making a lot of money, Dream of the Day that they Win the Lottery, or meet that Rich Suga' Daddy who will make their dreams come true.

It's fascinating to look at the Reality Here.
It's impossible for everyone to have the American Dream...
If everyone could be SuperStars, drive fancy cars, and live on Hollywood Boulevard,
then it wouldn't be a "Dream" anymore, would it?

So, the Dream is simply that, a "fantasy" that will never be a Reality for most of us. Most of us are destined to live mediocre lives, simply because the Current Money System has an extremely limited number of Roles for those playing Millionaire. Besides, who would do the grunt work of stocking grocery store shelves, cleaning corporate bathrooms, or mopping all the floors of Hollywood Mansions if we could all live the American Dream?

Is this what we've resigned ourselves to? Spending our lives, as little Drone Ants, who get tossed a crumb every now and then in the form of a iPod or a 50"Flatscreen, clinging to the Dream that One Day we may be Queen?

A-Whole-nother story is the extent to which we abuse those who aren't A-Merry-Cans in order to keep this American Dream going... Actually Hell for those who we force into slave labor to feed our Need for Crapitalism.

What a shameful way to live. Wake Up from this American Nightmare and Stand Up for Life.

The Money System is a Barbaric Caste System

2011-02-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

A video got passed around today of a hater who was justifying why a Doctor deserved to be paid more than someone who works at McDonalds, and how it was unfair for those who "work hard" to pay for the living standards of those who "sit on their ass".

This is the Most Frequently used excuse by Haters of Equal Money that I have encountered -> especially those from America, where we've been programmed to believe in and exist as the American Dream Mentality= "We're in it to Win it" "Rise above the Rest"

So the idea in America is that certain people in this world should be Paid More = Valued More just because of their particular skills which have been labelled "Worthy" (ex. Doctor, Lawyer, Professor, etc...) --> and those "others" who did not get the education and ended up working at McDonalds or as a Garbage Man are "UnWorthy" and are considered to be "sitting on their assess".

We are educated in our public school system to believe that Math & Science are "Hard", and that Reading is "Boring", so the notion of someone becoming a Doctor bewilders us. We praise them like Gods for moving through 8 years of school and doing the studying that we think we can't do ourselves. And then we Trust our Doctors to know the information, simply because we are unwilling to study it for ourselves. Then we pay our Doctors whatever they charge, because we have no "choice" within this self-diminishing belief about learning.

On the overwhelmingly crowded, opposite end of the spectrum, we have the kids who are so bogged down within their education and don't have all the opportunities Money can Buy (private school, tutoring, college, grad school ) and are caught under the pressure of survival until they have no other option but to start work at the only jobs that will accept them -- Walmart, McDonalds, Garbage Man.

What many "Equal Money Haters" don't consider is that the people who work at Walmart, McDonalds, and as Garbage Men don't just "sit on their assess". They work long shifts, doing heavy lifting and labor, standing on their feet all day in order for these companies to run effectively, and yet they get paid 8X Less than your basic practicing doctor in America.

Hey Haters, Consider this:

Who do you rely on more within a year, your Doctor or your Garbage Man?

The average American visits a Doctor once a year,

whereas the Garbage Man comes by 52 times (once every week).

And yet the Garbage Man is the Dirty Man on a Broken Totem Pole.

We are participating in a Barbaric and Outdated Caste System in this World, where we justify our own desires to have Free Choice through Lots of Money as "Fair" even if it means that those unfortunate enough to have no education will be completely fucked for their entire lives.

This Excuse only shows the Haters as "who they really are" :
-- a bunch of Fuckers who only care about their own happiness and will say/do anything to "Keep the American Dream Alive".

Wake Up Haters --

925 million people are Currently STARVING tonight.
That's triple the population of the US.

It's obvious what will happen when Equal Money is Put to a Vote.

Puppy Support

2011-02-06T19:51:00.000-08:00

The puppies have stood as a point of support for me throughout the past 4 months.

It's fascinating, because all of their movements and actions are quite simple and predictable, but they test every single point of my preprogramming that will switch "on". In each moment I have to decide whether I am going to simply allow myself to participate in automated reaction or if I am going to stand up and breathe. So many times I see how I have separated myself from the pups, allowing myself to see them as some kind of destructive force, or even a force of "CUte", without considering that they are simply Here. Also, there are many points where I allow myself to project my fears and desires onto the puppies, and they sure show me where to stick that shit... lol.

For example, I struggled with the point of teaching the pups how to urinate and shit outside. Oh, and I created this "struggle" by allowing myself to get frustrated and participate in thoughts of "they'll never get it". The pups tend to not spend much time outside when we are not outside with them, so I started to worry that they were afraid of going to pee/shit outside. One night, after having reacted by yelling at Sookie for pissing on the floor, I realized that I'm only projecting onto her my own disgust with the smell of urine and my frustration at having to clean up the floor. Completely Unacceptable! I was not considering that it will take time and patience to assist the dogs to learn to pee outside, so today I simply left the door open and took breaks from my work to play with the dogs outside. And the dogs responded by pissing and shitting outside for the entire day.

Another cool point has been taking the pups for a walk every day. I have been doing this for the past week, and I have really pushed myself to not react in frustration when the pups start barking at the people and other dogs we see. I can see that I get fearful whenever I see other walking near us, fearful that the pups will bark and scare the other people and dogs, which only exacerbates the point.

So, I commit myself to focus on Patience, with the pups and with myself. Not allowing myself to create some grandiose idea of how things "should be" and simply remaining here, enjoying myself Here (lol, sookie just pissed on the floor again, testing me within this point).

I am also committing myself to going out and exercising with Meisie and Sookie everyday so that we can all push through the points of fear towards being out of our "comfort zone".

Sookie^
Meisie>

Excuse My Self-Abuse, Not this Time!

2011-02-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

The past few days, I did not attend all of my classes at school.

An excuse will come up in the morning, when my alarm rings, of "Why-ne I don't Have-to Go"
Specific Thoughts:
*I am too late, I'll be stuck in traffic, and I won't be let into class
*I do not Have-to go, because my teacher will just read from the book, which I can do at home
*I will just read the teacher's notes online
*I will go to class when there is a quiz, or when they take attendance

Each thought that I participate in, and each time I "wait" within inaction and "give-in" to my energetic desire to continue to sleep in the morning and not remain committed to my decision to go to school, is another time-loop compounding, that I will now have to walk.

And at this point, I am faced with my pre-programmed pattern of "Giving-Up".

Previously when I've allowed this pattern to play out, in regards to school/class, I have built up an experience of Guilt and Shame for having missed class, and the consequence of this point was that I would continue to miss class so as not to face the teacher and my classmates until I completely "Gave-up" on school altogether.

What I realize Here, is that I cannot allow this pattern to continue where I make attending Class something that I Have-to do / something that I require energetic motivation to Do.

Self-sabotage is quite a Fuck-up. My Starting point within signing up for school is clear, but I allow self-doubt to pull me back into "waiting". My thoughts of "excuse" are invalid, because I am Here going to School to Integrate the Information I require to be successful within the Money System.

What I also see very clearly is that when I signed up for classes, I did not consider all of the points that I would have to push within my process in SRA and within the launch of the business. So I have decided to drop 2 of my 5 classes so that I can have Tues/Thurs to focus on going out in the field with Matti and Darryl. I had to walk through a point of "morality" about dropping these classes, which was based on a fear that I will not finish with my degree within 2 years. But this fear is irrelevant, because I can take these classes in the summer and still complete my degree plan by 2012.

I am facing this point early within school, so I have a single moment, a single opportunity to stop this pattern, and stand up for myself within Self-Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as "giving-up".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not exist in the morning when I decide not to get out of bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the "world" for my own lack of self-discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a pattern of guilt and shame within missing class.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own dissappointment in myself onto my teachers and peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "why-ne" about traffic in the morning, instead of utilizing my drive to school as a practice in Patience with Self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the drive to school as something that I Have-To Do, instead of a Self-Directed Action as What is Best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend upon energetic motivation to force myself to get out of bed and get ready for school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my head as degrading thoughts towards my teachers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a Memory of myself Failing in High School and University.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as Frustration and Blame when I am sitting in Traffic.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see School as an Opportunity to Expand my Self Integrated as the Money System so that I can Stand Equal to the Money System.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my responsibilities towards my process as an excuse to fall behind in school, instead of realizing that School and Class Are my Process that I am currently walking.

I Stand One and Equal with the Information in my Classes.
I Push my Self to Go to Class Every Day.
I Push my Self to Place my Self Fully within the Information I am Learning.
I Let Go of Self-Doubt
I Stop Laziness and Waiting
I am Here in Each Moment, within Breath, as Self-Directive Action

We All Come Together

2011-01-30T23:51:00.000-08:00

Deedra came to visit this past weekend so we could see if it would be effective for all of us, within practicality in the home and within the business, for her to move to Houston and live here.

It was quite cool, so many points opened up for me that I had not considered, including how I had begun to close myself off a bit from the guys. So all the points that I would have continued to keep in my mind, especially about 'Food', came out in our communication and I laughed a lot of those points of suppression right out into the open. Next time, I will tape the conversations because they were entirely fascinating and exposing for me.

I also realized that I'd been holding a "hidden" idea of Deedra in my head, like an vague image, that was totally blown away when I met her, and we were both simply here together as equals. I can see that she and I will be a great support for each other, not only within our work in the business (which is moving along quite nicely after the points of motivation and specificity that Dee brought to the table) but as Females Here together.

I realized when Dee was here, that Her moving here will be quite Fun for me, since I have not really allowed myself to enjoy being around another Female since I have walked through this point of Jealousy/Envy/Self-Hate. Already, I greatly enjoyed expressing myself with her and I can see we will walk together very well.

Thanks for the Visit Deedra!

So a Cool addition to our household and the business

Yup, I'm a Cylon

2011-01-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

So, I have been faced recently with several people (all women, interestingly) who are asking me "why am I wearing a wig, make-up, clothes" = "why I am compromising myself to become a Picture Presentation of Successful Woman".

Several weeks ago I asked myself this question
"What am I Un-Willing to Do to Be as Effective as Possible within Building an Equal Money System?"

And many points came up, which all added up to a Resistance to completely Integrating myself within the System.

A cool Analogy for this point is the Cylons in Battlestar Galactica, the humanoid robots who place themselves as members of the Human Race (who are their mortal enemies) to complete a task that they will be activated for at a certain point. Until that point, the cylons completely integrate themselves as human flesh, emotions, thoughts, so that all humans around them completely trust them and accept them as members of their society.

I am a Cylon. I realized this over the past two years of working with Desteni, and now it is time for me to completely integrate back into the system, this time Directing Myself within the System to a Point of Power/Accountability/Trust, so that when the Equal Money System will be presented to the World, I can Activate and Fulfill my Point within It.

None of what I am doing Here fits into my Pre-programmed Point as a Human Being. I do not have the formal effective education, nor am I born into wealth, I had resolved myself to having little money, and had I continued on the path that I had accepted and allowed, I would have been comfortable on my Middle-Road.

And I Realized in a Single Moment, to take that Middle Road would be a total Waste of Life.

I have had to walk through so much Fear and Self-Doubt Mind-Fucks to bring myself to this Point, where I can walk past the Middle-Road, Stand Stable and Consider "What I Must Do" to Create Equality in this World.

In each moment, I Embrace my New Self-Created Role as Cylon and I Push My Self to Delete Any and All Resistances to Activating Myself as a Point within the Foundation of Equal Life for All.

Next Step, Communicating with Confidence and Self-Trust, Standing One and Equal with All People I meet, and Interacting with People without being directed by Personalities.

The "InFLUence Me" Virus

2011-01-27T02:30:00.000-08:00

I've been laying in bed for the past hour with intense aching throughout my entire body, and a slight fever that has drawn all of the heat from my extremities into my chest and face.

I first noticed the aching in my inner thighs and groin, a pulsating ache that moves in a wave from the front of my pelvis to the tip of my lower back. Also an aching in my chest, around my heart that sends shockwaves down my arms and into my gut, which is wrenching. And finally up to the back of my neck, right at the base of my skull, the aching squeezes into my brain and balls up into a massive pulsing headache.

I realized in a moment that the sensations from this virus are identical to all of the various "feelings" I got from "Love" and "Passion" and "Pride".

For example, when I believed I was "in-Love", my heart would beat very fast and start to ache when I knew that I would see that person again, and my gut would wrench when I had to be away from my "love". Whenever I had a "break-up", I would feel completely sick for many days, and my heart would ache from the Thought of not being "in-Love" any more.

Same point with Passion, when I would see a picture presentation that attracted me and I would get "horny", my entire lower body would ache until I either had sex or masturbated.

And with Pride, whenever I was in an argument, whether I thought I was "winning" or "losing", all of this energy would move up the back of my neck into my head and burst into either feeling "elated" or "frustrated".

I realize that all of these things that we as human beings consider to be so essential to Life, Love/Passion/Pride are simply VIRUSES of our MIND.

We allow a single thought to In-FLU-ence us to be possessed by delusion and fantasy, that we are completely detached from what is Here. We IN-FECT ourselves with Ideas of What Life is all About, but we Fail to see that it's just Energy.

We are Deliberately Sickening ourselves.

Because whether you "win" or "lose" in Love/Passion/Pride, you put your body through the same SICKness.

Stand UP as the Living CURE to this Madness we are Existing As.

Equality for all Life, No Matter What it Takes!!

And Thanks to the REAL physical viruses, for forcing us to face how we accept and allow ourselves to Diminish ourselves.

Flu & Slowing Down

2011-01-24T19:04:00.000-08:00

Today, I was sitting in class and allowing myself to kind of distract myself with the sounds of everyone around me. Many people in the class had a "sniffy nose" and I thought for a moment "Man, it would SUCK if I got sick right now". LOL, I instantly got a drippy nose and my body began to get weak.

So at the moment, I am 'Flu'.

This is a cool opportunity for me to test myself within pushing myself to be gentle and patient with myself, while still keeping up my responsibilities to school.

In the past, I always used "I'm sick" as an excuse/back door to avoid my responsibilities.

No More!

I am remaining in breath, not allowing a "stuffy nose" as an excuse not to breathe.

All Demons Exposed in Agreement

2011-01-22T22:41:00.000-08:00

Today I watched Sunette's discussion
Relationship Success Support with Agreements Facing the Reality of Self
with Joe Kou and Lindsay 's recent point within agreement as a cool example.

This discussion was supportive for me to look at my placement within Relationship and how I have had to walk through facing my own "demons" within my relationship with Cameron, and how we can establish our Agreement as Living Words.

The main point that came up for me to face was Self-Doubt and Self-Diminishing, which on the surface manifested as Extreme JEALOUSY.

And this was not a "Fun" point to walk through (as Sunette points out in the discussion), I was energetically possessed by complete disgust and dis-ease that I projected onto Cameron and other women, who I built up a Hatred for.

To look at the point as a whole, I will go back to when I met Cam and the construct I created as my picture presentation of HIM in my Mind.
-------

In the moment we met, I separated myself from Cameron and built HIM up as a Picture in my Mind of a "Perfect, REAL, Man". And I had to Fight for two years for this Picture to make it MINE.

When I finally did get this Picture to be in Relationship with Me, I began to integrate all of the points of possession that I had allowed in previous relationships, until I existed as the Ultimate Deceiver, a Demonic Girlfriend completely possessed by Jealousy.

And I projected all of my inner turmoil onto Cameron, when I didn't actually know him as who he really was, I only knew a picture in my head of who I wanted me to be as "a relationship",

All of this was exposed when Cameron and I first arrived at the Farm and had our Resonance discussions. I immediately had to face what I'd allowed myself to become through the excuse of "this is who I have to be in a relationship". And the point of Jealousy intensified, to the point that I felt physically sick of Cameron, and of certain Females at the Farm who I identified as a "threat" to my relationship.

What a cool point though, to walk through this relationship point with another being whose programming specifically triggers every point of suppression within me to Come Out. NOT FUN, but cool, because I had no "choice" other than to fall and Stand Up again.

So, 1 & 1/2 years later, and I have walked through this point until I no longer have the relationship construct of "jealousy" of other females, I no longer exist as the "fear that Cameron will leave me", because I no longer define myself and limit myself as 1/2 of a relationship.

Many more points to walk, which are coming up as Cameron and I walk through the "Parenting" Construct with Sookie and Meisie, but so far the relationship has really assisted me to Stand Up and Expand myself within my Self-Expression, because I have pushed myself to direct myself within it, with the unconditional support of those at Desteni and Cameron.

And to all others working through Relay-tion-shit and Walking the Practical Agreement, realize that you are not Alone, We are all Walking Together within Process, and as Fucked up as it Feels, Bring yourself Back Here Over and Over. Patience with Self and Others AS Self, because you will have to walk EVERY point that you have allowed yourself to exist as and suppress to the "Intensified EXtreme". And YOU will Walk Through Stronger and More Stable.

This is MINE -D Fuck

2011-01-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, so several examples of the same point came up today and exploded in my face.

Cameron needed to borrow the Mac Laptop for tutoring today, and I was frustrated because I have identified this computer as "mine".

And from a Fuck-d starting point cometh Fuck-ing excuses as thoughts:

"I need to have a consistent computer to do my school work on"
"I need access to all of my internet history"
"I need MY computer with all MY passwords saved on it"
"I don't have time to write down all the passwords and sites I have to go to to complete my school work"

And instead of looking for a common sense solution (seeing as I have walked this point of physically not having enough Laptops for both of us to use before),
I said "ok, take it", without actually letting go of the point, and instead accepting the excuse in my mind that "Cameron is inconsiderate and an asshole".

Fascinating, and a cool Example of Projection of Blame, since I was within that moment being "inconsiderate" and unwilling to place myself as Cameron as a Tutor requiring the Laptop to do my job to earn money to pay rent, etc... This is what I have Said that I have not Lived, Considering all points, Not as Guilt, but simply considering what is Best For All within each moment.

"Mine" is a backdoor. It is self-sabotage, and so I diminished myself throughout the day within this mind possession.

Consequences, Cameron and I have an argument where I project all of this built up frustration onto him. And when all these words and thoughts come out of my mouth, I hear and see myself actually, and I see the obvious common sense that this is Unacceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that things "belong to me" and are "mine".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an idea of myself as possession of "things".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea of the laptop as "Mine" and therefore "Special" as something "More" than what it is as a physical object.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not appreciate the laptop as a physical object as equal and one as Self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project insecurity and doubt onto the physical laptop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project a picture of the future as "me not having what is MINE" on what is Here, instead of remaining Here within Breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become an "asshole" as Inconsideration and Self-Interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain in a Bubble as "Who I am = What I Have".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop myself from supporting all Life Unconditionally out of Fear that I will not be able to support myself, which is separation and self-doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "Make a Big Deal" in my Mind out of points that must be considered within common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "I am Special" and therefore Deserve to have the Laptop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea of the Laptop as a backdoor in order to Escape the responsibility that I have committed myself to as my schoolwork and studies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as embarressment within exposing this point, as judgement that it is "trivial".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid seeing the obviousness of who I am allowing myself to exist as within the "trivial" and "simplistic" points that I face every day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "Lose myself" within my mind through possession within a single point of justification of ME as Personality and Ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "get off" on the energy of "anger" and "frustration" projected at another person/thing so that I do not have to face myself as deception.

No More. I Stand, I Walk, I Stop all Points of Projection and Blame.
I am Patient and Forgiving with Self.
But I Take No Shit.
I Push Through Resistances to Exposing my Fall/Fails in order to Support Myself to No Longer Diminish Myself, but to Create myself within and as Stability.

Don't Let Your MInd FUCK!

2011-01-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

So I woke up today to go to class and I remembered that the professor told us that we don't have-to-go to class every Thursday (it is considered a Lab day), but that we will get substantial extra credit if we do go.

I allowed myself, for a moment, to participate in the thought of "not-going" and I laid in bed for an extra twenty minutes. This is a typical pattern that I have participated-in in the past, where I create an idea in my mind of an excuse as to "why I don't Have-to" do something, that I later regret because my mind's justification does not correspond with reality.

I realized that the professor wanted us to turn in the results of a test we were to take online, so I pushed myself to get out of bed and get ready to go to school. Instead of directing myself though, I used Guilt within the point of "I Have-to turn these results in" to force myself to get up and go to class. I allowed myself to be motivated by a point of energy as Guilt and the Fear of Regret.

Fascinating consequences thus followed:
1. I was late for class, since I laid in bed for an extra 20 mins
2. I forgot my "Clicker" at home and was too late to turn back to get it
(a clicker is an electronic remote we use in class to take attendance and in-class quizzes)
*3. Thus, I did not even get attendance credit for going, because I could not "click-in".
4. I was incorrect on the date we had to turn the papers in, so my point of "motivation" was bullshit

When I finally got to class and sat in my seat, I realized the mind-FUCK that I had allowed from the moment I woke up this morning. My mind was still running with "you could still leave now, since you won't get credit anyway". I simply sat there within breath and mapped out the point for myself and stopped further participation in this cycle of thoughts. In a single moment, I deleted all points of anxiety and frustration that I projected onto school, because to allow these points to compound would have the consequence of continuing this cycle of regret and failure that I have walked through over and over again.

This was quite a cool point, to face this within only 3 days of class, and to push myself to forgive myself in the moment and breathe to release the thoughts I was "holding onto".

Obviously, I will have to walk this point again, and Stand-Up from the moment I Wake-Up.

Overwhelmed with Process? Don't Give Your Self Up!

2011-01-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

So, today I've faced the point of stopping my particular pattern of existing as "being overwhelmed".

I have created and maintained participation within this pattern since I was in 3rd Grade, when "Boring" and "Pointless" Homework started to cut into my "Play-Time". I was torn between my yearning to keep my parents and teachers proud, and the desire to enjoy myself and "create my own rules".
And since that point, I have been existing as a constant rollercoaster ride between "feeling good" as a "top student"and "feeling shit" as a "disappointment".

I began to write myself off as a "failure", which led to my pursuit of higher things (light & love & enlightenment) which I thought existed outside of myself.

So, now that I am faced with the opportunity to take on multiple responsibilities FULLY as my Self:
My Process: SRA, Blogging, Vlogging
Support for Desteni Members
Watching Youtube Vids + Rating
Attending Class
Reading Material
Completing Assignments
Our Finances
The Business
House Upkeep
Dogs Dogs Dogs
Etc...

Practically, when I consider all of these points, I realize that there is not enough actual time in the day to complete these AND feel "overwhelmed" (which takes up quite a bit of time when I allow myself to be possessed by thoughts to the point of complete immobility).

So I simply cannot allow myself to participate in this energetic point of "overwhelmed". And when I, in a moment, DECIDE TO LIVE THIS STATEMENT AS WHO I AM, the energy dissipates and the thoughts of distractions (tv, entertainment, depression, anxiety) are deleted.

Integrating the Money System

2011-01-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day at this "E-Lite" Bauer Business School.

I realized while walking around the campus that I must fully integrate this education as myself, and not allow a single point where I separate myself from the information, assignments, teachers, students, buildings. I must breathe in every moment and check that I am directing myself to fully participate in preparing myself to be completely effective within making money. I am checking myself in every moment for ego, personality, and mind possession. I do not allow memories of "who I was" as a student to direct me to participate in gossip and unnecessary pumping and bumping of egos.

Each of my classes has over 500 students. I have never been to a school this big, and I immediately see the possible play-out of "allowing myself to feel okay about failing, because no one will notice".

Stop.

I am holding myself accountable for finishing my education. I rely on no outside motivation to push me to succeed. I realize the point of attending class daily and finishing my assignments fully and within a deadline.
*Dead-Line: Will I allow Myself to Die when faced with a Line to Cross? No, I will Stand and Move myself as Life.

The classes are fascinating. I will be given detailed information on how to Perfect my Self as "Business".
Information on Emotional Manipulation of buyers through Branding and Marketing.
The Logistical Structure of how I can support myself through the Physical to create a system that will be consistently effective and stable.
The Practical Experience of Businesses who have Succeeded within the Current Money System.
Also, how to Create Myself as Stability within Communication and Interaction with People who identify themselves as "Employees" and "Customers".

I will have the opportunity to hear from CEOs of "Big Money" businesses every week, to Communicate with them and Build Business Relations. They will explain how they have Used and Abused the Current Money System to their Greatest Benefit. I will Integrate this Information and Use it to Take this Money System for All It Has!

Let's Get This Done! Bringing INTEGRITY as a New Money System!

Communication Fail-U-R

2011-01-17T20:54:00.000-08:00

I realized today that I have allowed myself to "fail" within my agreement with Cameron.
Thus I will have to walk through each point of this time loop, pushing myself to take NO MORE BULLSHIT from myself.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created, in my mind, a barrier between us that I use as an excuse not to communicate clearly.

2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify the barrier between Cameron and I as "coldness" and "distance".

3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid communicating with Cameron out of fear that he will react in an angry way.

4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an idea in my mind of Cameron as "angry" and "cold".

5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame Cameron for my own unwillingness and fear to communicate clearly with another person.

6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as embaressment when considering communicating with Cameron regarding the points I am walking through within my process, out of fear that he will judge me.

7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and project my own self-judgement onto Cameron.

8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to interact with my idea of Cameron in my mind, keeping myself from remaining Here and simply directing myself to communicate with myself.

9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my own responsibility to this agreement.

10. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to this agreement using the excuse that "we have not written a manifesto for our agreement"

11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to write a manifesto for this agreement, instead waiting for Cameron to initiate.

12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embody the construct of "waiting".

13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself in my mind as being "violated" within the agreement.

14. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply suggest that Cameron and I write a manifesto instead of standing as the directive principle and begin writing what I am willing to stand as within the agreement.

15. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider ending the agreement every time I see that Cameron is possessed, a back door that would "end" my own agreement with myself to push myself when I see that I have become possessed.

16. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support Cameron as myself to walk through points of possession.

17. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot "speak up".

18. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as "comfort" and "stagnation" within this agreement.

19. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse myself from standing up for myself as this agreement through the justification that I am not "there yet" in process.

20. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the agreement as some "thing" that is separate from myself and my process.

21. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully integrate this agreement as who I am as Walking with Another Being so that we may support each other to become more than we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be.

22. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see Cameron as an entity in my mind that is separate from me and therefore I abdicate responsibility for support Cameron through his process.

23. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid asking others for support within this point of agreement because of "embaressment" that I have not allowed myself to support myself within the agreement.

24. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not communicate these points with Cameron in the moment that I realize myself internalizing conflict to the point of a mind possession.

25. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not communicate and write out the point of sexual frustration within our agreement.

26. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sex in our agreement to become formulaic and based in energy.

27. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my sexual frustration from Cameron.

(This specific statement has opened me up to cry, and I direct myself to relieve this tension due to my existence as 'Embarressment' and 'Sexual Frustration').

28. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to avoid my sexual frustration by existing as "numbness" within a sexual experience.

29. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up this sexual frustration instead of breathing within each moment and allowing myself to diffuse this frustration through communication and writing.

30. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Cameron is not considering what is best for all when he does not want to walk the dogs with me.

31. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not communicate the practical points of taking care of the dogs with Cameron.

32. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internalize my frustration of my own failure to communicate to the point that it explodes as external frustration upon the dogs.

33. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that every moment is a point of support for myself, to see whether I can stand as Equality or whether I will remain in my little bubble of "who I think I am".

I am Here as Breath.
I Stop Myself in Each Moment and Breathe.
I Stop the Cycles in My Mind of Thoughts of Projecting Blame onto Another.
I Stand as Stability within my Agreement with Self.
I Stand as Stability within my Agreement with Cameron.
I Stand as Stability within my Commitment to Support Self and Cameron Equally.
I Stand One and Equal to Cameron as Self.
I Stop "Waiting" and Integrate the Agreement as Who I Am as Life.
I Commit to Walking this Agreement for Life.
I Support Cameron Unconditionally.
I Support Self Unconditionally.
I Take NO SHIT from my Mind.
I Stop Defining Myself as my Ideas in my Mind.
I Commit within the Agreement to "Lay it all out on the Table"
I Commit to Writing a Manifesto as Support for Cameron and I to Walk this Agreement.
I Commit to Remaining Here, and to Live As the Directive Principle, All-Ways Considering What is Best for All.

Stopping the Accumulation of Frustration

2011-01-16T22:24:00.000-08:00

I realized the point today of the consequence of allowing my thoughts to plan out my day, instead of simply walking here within breath in each moment.

I am starting school on Tuesday and I received my syllabus for my accounting class through email. I read this email today and the following line of thought came up.

->This class has a difficult reading schedule
-->I probably won't be able to keep up with the reading in this class
--->I am not properly prepared for the second half of accounting
---->I will have to read more than other students in order to catch up
----->I am going to be overwhelmed by this class
------->I should start reading today so that I am ahead

So instead of looking at this point within common sense, I allowed myself to "think that I was going to read". The consequence of this was that I built up the entire day of "what I should do" and never acted in the moment in consideration of what is best for me as best for all within preparing myself for my class. I set myself up to fail.

And since I allowed myself in a single moment to be caught up in my mind, I accumulated frustration with Self, that I played out as physical frustration towards the dogs when I found that they'd peed on the floor in our bedroom. This is pretty cool though, because whenever I catch myself within frustration towards the dogs, I know that I've missed a point, since I know the dogs are innocent within their expression and that I am honestly only frustrated with myself.

I stop this point here. I read for my class because I see in common sense that I must prepare myself in order to succeed and educate myself in the components of the current money system in order to be as effective as possible within the business. I Live the reading, I am reading, and I do not allow myself to give myself a back door to fail my courses by building up thoughts and ideas about my school work.

The Perfect Female Construct (Black Swan Movie)

2011-01-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

This Blog corresponds to this Vlog: Perfect Female Demon - Black Swan Review

Here is my Self-Forgiveness on points that came up when watching the movie, Black Swan.

All of these points came up as thoughts while I actually watched the movie, and afterward several stops in the movie, I saw that I was allowing myself to be impulsed into an Energetic Emotional Mind Possession. I applied Self-Forgiveness immediately after watching the film in order to diffuse this energetic movement that would lead to self-abuse if played out.

The following word-thoughts tested out as specific points for self-forgiveness.

BEAUTY

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto an idea of beauty as a picture presentation in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access the "Beauty Program" while watching the movie Black Swan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate the "Beauty Program" by accessing thoughts and memories as picture presentations of women that I consider to be beautiful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of judgement and comparison of the different actresses portraying ballerinas in the Black Swan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subconsciously judge the women in the movie and separate them into categories of 'Beautiful' and 'Not-Beautiful'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subconsciously select certain features of the actresses and place them together as my "Ideal Female Beauty".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid facing the "Beauty Program" as what I have accepted and defined myself as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of "How to make Myself Beautiful" like the ballerinas in the movie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about exercising and taking a dance class in order to shape my body like the girls in Black Swan.

PERFECTION

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the importance of "perfection".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and limit "perfection" as the perfect female form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the construct of "perfection" as the ideal goal for all females.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing all forms of self-abuse in the name of and to the accomplishment of "perfection", thereby supporting all females to abuse themselves to achieve "perfection".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by defining myself as a female who is "not perfect" and therefore "wrong".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could be perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "If I was perfect" then I would not have to suffer through my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use energetic motivation from the images I see in a movie to abuse myself in order to fit that particular presentation.

Specifically...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to use the energetic picture of Natalie Portman as a ballerina to motivate myself to starve myself so that I can be considered "beautiful" and "perfect".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of throwing up food in order force my body to look like a ballerina's body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my body and what is best for my body because of possession of ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to idolize ballerinas as the representation of perfection in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify starvation as necessary for ballerinas to perfect their physical bodies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to justify madness and psychosis as necessary for perfection of art and creativity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to go mad if it is the only payment for having a perfect body.

ENVY

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of Envy towards the ballerinas in Black Swan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as Envy as the thought of "I wish I could be Beautiful".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in fantasy of creating myself in the image and likeness of Natalie Portman through deliberate self-abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts where I starve myself in order to lose weight so that I can look like a ballerina.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by the images of ballerinas as thinness, muscular, perfection, beauty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as Envy through wishing that I could look like Natalie Portman.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to exist as Envy in regards to the clothing the ballerinas wore, as "wish I could dress like that".

SEXUALITY & DESIRE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a ballerina as a symbol of sexuality and desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about having sex with each of the polar points, the innocent white swan and the devilish black swan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the white swan as uptight and frigid within her sexuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself as sexuality with the character of the white swan in order to create my personality as "better" sexually than her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize about myself as the black swan character having sex with the white swan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe that sexuality is key to self-expression.

Clowning Around

2011-01-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up, and I looked at my blog post from yesterday, and I decided to stop all excuses and go out and get the things that are necessary for me to present myself as the "Christian Businesswoman".

I have a single moment of hesitation towards going out to buy a wig, a justification in my mind trying to grab at "why i don't need a wig", so I push myself to get in the car and drive to "Wig World" (LOL). I go into the store and try on several wigs and find one that works, and I have another moment of hesitation towards actually paying for the wig. I push myself to pay for the wig and I put it on and leave the store.

I look in the mirror and realize that I am not allowing myself to completely take this point on, since I 'Feel' awkward wearing a wig. So I practice wearing it and presenting myself as having hair.

I also have the thought that I am doing something 'wrong'. This is the point I really have to look at, because I am allowing myself to 'feel' as though I am compromising myself by wearing a wig when I have committed myself to shaving my head forever. This is another "hidden morality". This fear that I will not be keeping my promise to my self to stand for equality if I do not present myself as a bald female to this world. Fucking Fascinating. That I would allow yet another justification to stand in the way of me being truly effective within the business.

What is really cool is, I see the point of shaving my head and how it has assisted me to remove my addiction and dependence upon beauty and perfection as ideas that I could never actually live in the physical. It has assisted me to remove the point of sexual desire from "who I am" and allowed me to direct myself within my communication with males and females equally and without barriers. And when I buy this wig and wear it, I test myself within who I stand as as the Directive Principle of Life. Because I do not go back into possession and addiction to a picture presentation, I direct myself to present myself as what is best for all in this moment.

I also buy make-up, which is fascinating, because I never really knew how to put on make-up, or what to buy, so there is a moment of resistance towards getting make-up because of my past experience of not really "liking" wearing make-up, but feeling as though I had to wear it to look "beautiful" and to hide my "ugliness".

It is cool here to look at the interviews that Bernard made about dressing up as a clown and selling balloons to make some extra money. The clown face, the shoes, the wig, the make-up, all of this was essential to create a point where parents and kids are emotionally involved in buying balloons.

This is what I am doing. I am the Clown in a Business Suit. No More Excuses. Let's start making some money.

Directing Myself to Make a LOT of Money

2011-01-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

I listened to the new Interview "Process Support - Hidden Moral Issues",
(this interview is unlisted on the Desteni Forum, I recommend you find the link there and listen to it)
discussing the point of making a lot of money and how people practically do that in this reality.

They have no Morality
They do whatever it takes to Get the Job Done
They don't actually Care about Right and Wrong
They do not Fear taking Money from People who have Money
They do NOT CARE about What they have to Do to Get Money

Matti and I were discussing this point, and he mentioned joining one of the Churches here in Houston, in order to connect with potential clients that will buy the software.
To do this effectively, and to build myself as the Point that allows Money to come in for the Equal Life Foundation, I will have to "look the Part" of an Real Christian BusinessWoman.

I immediately noticed my mind running through pictures of church, bible class, southern women and their community projects, choir practices, excited preachers, guilt, regret, hope.... All of the Memories from my Placement within the Church when I was younger. My eyes start to gloss over as Matti is speaking, my shoulders drop forward, and my voice is very shallow. I recognize possession, I've been possessed enough in the past 24 years to see the physical "symptoms", like I am allowing thoughts to press my body into the ground, that way I have an excuse not to Stand.

So, I have accepted and allowed a Fear in relation to Directing Myself to Stand as the Christian Woman. Let's have a look:

I understand that in order for me to do this effectively, I will have to do this within the context of the system, so I will have to Direct myself to Be a proper Christian Woman
*I Don't want to Present myself as a proper Christian Woman
->more specifically, I Don't want to dress nicely, have nice hair, wear makeup, wear jewelry... everything that a Christian Woman would do and wear and look as.
->I don't want to be responsible for being a member of the Christian Community
-->What is actually going on here: I will become "normal" --> I will not be "special" anymore.
---->I want to be special, I want to be a Renegade, I want to be the Outcast Outsider.
This is my Morality. I don't want to do "wrong" to my idea of myself as Special.
That reveals quite a mindfuck. In this moment, I realize that I cannot allow what I "want" to keep me from Standing Up for Life.

What I find fascinating is that I already have all of the tools to do this. I have the information about Christianity and all of the points of manipulation used within the Church Community. I have Lived 5 years completely immersed in this community. I know exactly what to do, what to say, and who to focus myself towards in order to get people to trust me enough to trust my business and my product.

Allowing this mindfuck of "specialness" to stop me from Standing Up as Support for the Equal Money System is unacceptable. Because I know that I can direct myself to BE this Support, no matter what I LOOK like, so I have to let go of all these fucking limitations.

I Remove all limitations of Morality that are Preprogrammed Points within Who I exist as this System, as someone who is a "Misfit" an "Outcast" who "Doesn't get to Make a lot of Money" due to 'moral obligation'

I commit myself to being effective within Accumulating Money to Support the EMS, with no points of limitation, I simply am what I need to Be to GET THIS DONE.

So now, it's just a point of looking at what specifically Must be Done.

This is My Moment of Realization

2011-01-12T22:51:00.000-08:00

I am listening to a discussion that we had at the farm where Bernard is discussing "Waiting" with Andrew, Anna, and I.

The following transcription is extremely specific to my current point that I am at within my process, and it's been a whole year of timelooping to get back to this point where I must Stand Here and Stop Waiting.

You have not Actualized your Living Word as Self-Honesty Actual Here

You've only Left it as a Mental-State

You are Existing Breath-by-Breath, within that is your Self-Honesty

Hear Carefully.

So, if you Move from One Breath to Another, where you are Waiting to become Self-Honest

it's already Compromised.

And You will become Weaker the Longer you Wait,

as you've noticed.

You have your Optimized-Point of Realization and Actualization where you put yourself

Into and As the Living Word

Is to Act Immediately at the Moment of your Realization

that is when you are Strongest

the Moment you Wait from that moment forth you become Weaker,

you Diminish in your Ability to Stand

and eventually you will Justify,

and your Justification will become your Compromise

and you will find an Excuse as to why you have-to Wait,

and you're back in the same timeloop

Got that?

This is my Moment of Realization. No More Waiting. I Commit Myself to Myself.

Ex-Posing and Ex-Ploring "I": The Resistance to Writing

2011-01-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

I am committing myself to blogging daily. And I See Here that I will Live these Words.

I have made this commitment before and have fallen, again and again.

This was an inevitable consequence, because, when I have a look, I never actually committed to writing daily. I simply allowed myself to participate in a thought of "yes, I will do this everyday", which is just a Be-Lief -- the creation of a fantasy in my mind, where I am the savior of my own life = the hero who will go through many perils and ultimately win. I NEVER ACTUALLY TOOK DIRECTIVE ACTION within my commitment, and I utilized the energetic motivation of "feeling good" about myself to push me through 3-4 days of writing everyday and on the 5th day, lacking the energy to keep it all going.

This is what dependence on energy is all about = Pumping myself up with idealistic thoughts the first day, and holding on with an iron-grip for the next few days until the energy completely dissipates and I've left myself with no foundation to stand on.

I have participated in this throughout my entire life. Most commitments that I make, I never actually stand as. Those that I do Stand as are points that I have pushed myself to walk through for years, such as My Agreement. I've had to tear down all pre programmed points of Relationship, which I initially valued so much, in order to get to the point today where I Stand as Equal to a single other being.

However, the Agreement reflects to me that I am not pushing myself within my process of writing and self-forgiveness, because in this moment, Cam and I are Equal in our immobility, our non-movement, within our practical application in this world. I allow myself to dwindle here in comfort and laziness and therefore, I allow any points within Cameron of "waiting".

I see the obviousness of this. No Judgment or Blame. But, I see the opportunity for myself to Start Over, Stand Up, and push myself to truly take on my Process for myself. I cannot sit around and Wait for energy to motivate me, which is irrelevant anyway, because I know that if I'm simply motivated by energy, I will not Stand Up to the Test of Reality.

There are many points where I compromise myself by "waiting", and using justifications of why "not today" or "not right now".

I will take one point on at a time. NO MORE EXCUSES.

The point that will open up all other points is obviously writing. Committing myself to exposing myself to myself daily shapes the tool that I can use to assist myself to Stand as the Principle of Equality in All Ways.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, Starting with the Specific Resistance to Writing:

**Now I have a thought that "I have written enough and I can stop for today" - Fuck that.**

Significant Memories related to what I have created as a "Writer" that come up :

1. 5th Grade, 9 years old, we are writing poetry in our class and we are allowed to go outside and stand among the trees, sit in the grass, look at flowers in order to "find a muse" as a theme for our poetry. I see the Sun coming through the clouds, and I start to write about the colors and lights that I see around me, which I connect to the Fall Season. "The Autumn breeze brushes by, as I sit here feeling the strokes of soft green blades on the palm of my hand..." I start to write without thinking of the words, they just flow onto the paper like magic and I feel good about myself because I think "I AM important like the poets we've read about".
My poem is chosen as one of the "best" in the class by my teacher. She asks me to read it out loud at a poetry club where they are having a reading. I feel very good about myself, I have the thought "I am better than my classmates, I am smarter, because my teacher has given me this reward".
It is time to go to the poetry club. I put on my striped long sleeve shirt with black vest and my black jeans and my black beret. I think that I look cool, like a poet is supposed to look.
We are at the poetry reading, and I am watching all of the other kids reading their poetry. I am comparing myself to them, thinking "I am much younger than all of these kids" "I am special because I have written such good poetry but I'm younger" "My nature poem is much better than this girl's who is talking about the President".
It is my turn to read.
I am nervous, but I remind myself that I look cool and my poem is special. I read my poem. The audience claps very loud and my teacher shows me a "thumbs up". Afterwards, many people come up to me and tell me that they enjoyed my poem and that they were surprised I was only 9 years old. I am very excited and proud of myself.

2. 9th Grade, 14 years old, I am applying for the Gifted and Talented Program at a new High School. I have decided to write my entrance essay on the book Siddhartha. I choose this book because I enjoyed the story. I decide to write about this book because my mother tells me that I will look smart to the teachers if I choose a book that is "above average" for my age. I think "I must be smarter than others for having chosen to read this book on my own, without being forced to read it in class." I feel that I am special, a "genius".
I write the essay and I am satisfied that I have "done a good job". I give the essay to my mother to check over, and she takes out a RED Pen. She crosses out lines and circles words and writes in suggestions in the margins. She says "I will help you rewrite the essay" "it is important for you to do this right if you want to get into the Intelligent progam." I feel disappointed that I did not do well on the essay on my own. I am angry at my mother for not liking my writing. I feel like crying. I don't want to change the essay. My mother asks me to come and let her help me with rewriting the essay, I tell her that I don't want to do it and that I don't care if I get into the GT Program. I feel empowered by refusing her help.

**I have a the thought "no one will want to read this ranting"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need energetic motivation in order to act.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need the energy of "another person liking my writing" in order to write.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can only write for another person to read.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot support myself through writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require the support of others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself unconditionally through writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the writings of my memories as "boring".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other blogs that I read as "boring".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the justification of "boring" as my lack of energetic desire/motivation to act.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use "boring" as a back door to avoid facing myself within writing.

Whoah....
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself as "not smart" through my writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to fit my writing into a particular picture presentation that I have of myself as "smart" "intelligent" "brilliant" "genius".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself as a "fraud" who is "failing in process" through my writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify "waiting" to write because of resistance and fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my writing as "inferior"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my writing to other writing and judge my writing as "less than".

Ok, another memory:

3. 11th Grade, 16 years old, I have to write a paper on the Canterbury Tales in my Medieval English course. I start to see patterns between the characters in the book and characters from popular culture. I spend every night for two weeks working on the paper and I feel "creative" and very excited about the paper, I anticipate getting an A+. I give the paper to my "smart" friends to read, and they tell me it is very good. They laugh at my characters and their "trials and tribulations", I imagine they are jealous for not coming up with the idea. I turn my paper in to my teacher. She hands me the paper back with a giant RED D- written on the front. No notes, no other red marks. My stomach feels like it drops out of my body and onto the floor. I look over at my friend's paper, She got an A-. I am pissed off. I am jealous that my friend, thinking "but she is not creative at all", got a better grade than me.
I walk up to my teacher's desk. My hands are shaking, my mouth is very dry. I ask her "why did I get such a bad grade?, I worked very hard on this paper" She tells me "You have to write the paper in AP format, otherwise you get a failing grade". I feel like I am going to cry. She says I can rewrite the paper and get a C. I think "It's not fuckin' fair", "my teacher is a giant bitch", "I will not rewrite this paper ever". I never go back to that class again, I skip and go home early every day for the rest of the semester.

* I always use this particular experience as the excuse for why I "cannot" write papers in my college classes. I always try to either avoid writing a paper by doing extra credit work, or if I cannot avoid it, I end up writing very formulaic sentences that I try to guess the teacher is looking for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use memories of writing to affect and direct who I am within writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself use these memories as a way to justify why I "cannot" write.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this third memory as an excuse for "why I cannot write" and blaming others for "why I should not write".
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go of this memory and simply work with what is actually here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use an idea of myself to limit myself with supporting myself through writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only go "half-way" in my writing and never place myself fully within writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justifications of "tiredness" and "boredom" as a way to stop myself from facing all that I have allowed as limitations as my self.

I am Here.
I work though my Pre-Programming that I have Created and Allowed.
I Push myself to Write these Constructs out Fully.
I Commit Myself to Writing for Myself
I Commit Myself to Writing to Map Myself as Pre-Programming Out to Myself
I Commit Myself to Writing Daily.
I Commit Myself to Writing Daily as Self-Support.
I Commit Myself to Utilizing the Equality Equation within Writing.

I am Here, Focused on Self, So I can Create the Death of Who I Was as Personality/Picture/Programming and ReBirth Myself as the Principle of Equality as Life.

Meat, Blood, & Guts are Life in my Hands

2011-01-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, I started feeding the pups a "raw meat and bones" diet, because they were getting bad diarrhea from the kibble I was feeding them. I investigated several different diets and decided to test out the raw meat diet to see if it assists them to grow properly and have consistent digestion. The research I've done shows that the raw diet is most "species appropriate" for dogs and allows them to get proper nutrition and energy for their physical bodies, whereas kibble is pushed as a "convenience" and is actually more like "junk food" for dogs. One book likened kibble to "mcdonalds for dogs" that if eaten every day has the consequence of a rather unhealthy dog that requires many vet visits in their lifetime.

I continuously direct myself through this research, without allowing myself to form beliefs. Many times, I catch myself justifying why the dogs shouldn't get to eat something, or must eat another.... and I have to breathe and stop myself from simply accepting what I have not tested for myself. For example, much of this research says to NEVER give dogs carbohydrates like rice and oatmeal. But I can see that the pups enjoy an occasional bowl of rice and oatmeal with some cheese and peas, and that this also assists their stomachs to digest the heavy meals. So I simply work with what works.

One point that has come up within all of this is actually buying and storing this meat. Having decided to do this, I must make sure that I can get meat at a price that Cameron and I can afford, which means travelling to meat markets and butchers ("travelling" = going to a land I've never been to before). Initially, I've bought meat at the grocery store, which can get quite expensive. So I have started to research pricing at local Texas slaughterhouses.

This research has brought up a lot of resistance that I allow towards buying and handling large quantities of meat, especially when I consider buying a whole goat or lamb (which will cut the cost down substantially compared to cuts of meat in the grocery store). I look at the pictures on the website of this dead goat, skinned, with the feet and head cut off, with only the meat showing and my stomach turns. I have a thought of doubt about feeding the girls a raw diet, and I have a thought of justifying paying more at the grocery store for cut meat... so that I don't have to "deal with" a whole body.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to detach myself from the "killing" of animals by purchasing little neat packages of red and white at the grocery store, which I see as food and not as the meat of an animal that once was alive that I am now eating or feeding to my dogs. So, faced with the entire body of the animals is bringing myself closer to the reality of the animal that was raised for the sole human purpose of dying so that it can be eaten by humans and their companions. Fascinating...

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have pre-conceived ideas about meat and dead animals. That it is "dirty" and "contaminated" and "gross". Other words that test out are "diseased" ---> causing me "dis-ease". I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that animals that are solely raised for consumption are "dirty" "contaminated" "gross" and not equal to myself and dogs and cats and rats, etc...

I have never "killed" an animal, physical and directly at it's death, and the biggest piece of meat I've ever handled was a turkey at thanksgiving. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become a fear of death and a fear of facing death in the form of animal meat.

So now, I am buying meat and testing myself within what points come up in handling each piece.

Today, I fed the girls beef liver for the first time. I have never touched or seen beef liver before and I had a Word Thought of "queasy", which was not a physical feeling, but just a thought when my hands got covered in blood. The beef liver was not easy to cut with scissors, it's texture was very rubbery.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on the personality of "clinical" about the meat that I handle as a way to avoid facing me as the fear of death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to "wash" away the death of the animal by washing my hands several times at the sink.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that discourage continuing to feed the dogs raw meat in order to avoid handling raw meat which is avoiding facing the death of the animal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto ideas about raw meat that I have developed from memories of my past pets.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the deaths of animals as food for the dogs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the dogs deserve meat from dead animals, because they are "better" than other animals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel "good" about myself for feeding the dogs food that I would eat myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am treating my dogs to "equality" and I am therefore living equality.

I stop all beliefs about animals.

I stop participating in thoughts of seperation between myself and the dogs

I stop participating in thoughts of separation between myself and other animals

I stop participating in thoughts of being a "good person"

I stand as equal to all Life, all animals and plants

I simply feed the dogs what is necessary for them, and that's it.

My "Christmas" Personality

2010-12-25T11:56:00.000-08:00

Cameron, Darryl, and I went to a christmas eve party at my parent's house last night.

If I bring last night here, and walk through the event, I see that I am feeling a lot of pressure in my solar plexus when I am asked a question by another person. I also have the thought that I would like to just leave and tell all of these people to fuck off. I feel awkward when they give me gifts and ask me to open them in front of everyone. I avoid these feelings and thoughts by walking around the house, from food station to food station. I overeat in order to keep busy.

When I was younger, I always enjoyed Christmas to a certain extent. We always drove down to South Texas to visit my relatives for 5-6 days. When I look at this point, I really just enjoyed the presents. I also enjoyed it when my relatives talked about how proud they were of me. I also enjoyed the movies and shows on TV that were about Christmas and presents.

Then there was a point in my teenage years where I transitioned to hating visiting my relatives for Christmas. I still enjoyed the presents, but I knew that I could manipulate my parents to give them to me without having to go through the actual "Christmas" celebration. And so, my relatives expressed more and more how "less proud" they were with me, and I wanted to be around them less and less.

So, now, around my relatives again, I am facing the consequences of both of these "Christmas Personalities" that I have created = The Happy Christmas Girl (who hugs and kisses everyone and is grateful for all her gifts and family) vs. The Hateful Christmas Bitch (who just wants stuff and despises everyone for their love and happiness).

I am aware of this "switch" in my mind that goes from one personality to the other, each time I interact with people at this party.

*"Wow, this is so nice, I'm so glad they gave me this"
*"I do not want to fucking talk to them again"
*"I should hug her and make her feel good about herself"
*"I don't want this fucking present, why would they buy me this?"
*"Follow along with the Christmas spirit"
*"Fuck Christmas, I hate everyone here"

All of this is running in my mind and I am breathing and remaining here.

Then my Godmother tells me "Katie, you know what you should study in School..... Hairdressing!"

And I allow the thoughts of hatred towards her, while I suppress them and simply smile with a slight grimace.

What a fucked up design, that I allow a single sentence spoken by someone to completely change who I am, and I turn into this evil, hateful human being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on a Happy personality during Christmas to make my family think that I am a "good person".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to build myself up in others minds as an idea.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to an idea of a "good" person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress thoughts of hate and anger towards my family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about the hateful thoughts that go through my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot address these points in the moment they come up because I am embarressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself based on an Idea of myself and not wanting to be embarressed when I do not live up to that Idea.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to an Idea of myself as strong, stable, perfect, calm, assertive, while in my mind I exist as hate, anger, frustration, and spite.

I forgive msyelf for accepting and allowing myself to exist as spite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide spiteful thoughts towards another person while smiling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am "better than" any person here at this party.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up an Idea/Fantasy of how this party will go, and then play out my responses/reactions in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as Greed and Want during Christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I DE-Serve gifts for Christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Desire Money above all else for christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Wish that all gifts I've been given were money instead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my feelings of Greed and Want because "that is what Christmas is all about".

This is all for now, I will expand this more throughout this Holy-DAys

Patience and Trust within Muscle Communication

2010-12-24T13:09:00.000-08:00

So, I had a chat with Leila on Skype last night to cross-reference my response sheets from the in depth analysis of the physical feel of my underwear. This session showed me my whole 1 year time loop of trust and impatience within muscle communication and SRA.

What I've noticed is that I have often allowed myself to "rush" through Muscle communication in order to get the answers. I see that this is me, allowing myself to abdicate responsibility for my own process and look for the "quick fix" = the answers that my mind tells me are "right".

I faced this point when I was first introduced to muscle communication when I lived in Portland. I utilized kinesiology to get a "response" that made me feel a certain way about myself, so that I could build myself up as an "enlightened" or connected to heaven/god/angels/etc...

When I got to the farm and we started SRA and working with Muscle communication, I struggled to try to "force" myself to let go of my mind and work directly with Substance. However, I was still holding on to my IDEA of "substance", my IDEA of what muscle communication, and my desperate effort to try to get the "right" answer to fulfill a particular IDEA of myself and who I believed myself to be.

I see that I would push down on the muscle and then assume that I'd gotten a lock, and I would push harder to get the unlock. The response was deliberately manipulated by me based on what answer I wanted to get to build up the IDEA of myself.

Despite this... In-spite of my self-spitefulness of trying to use Muscle communication as validation of my personality, completely disregarding MC as a way to actually support myself to delete all preprogrammed pattern, my physical body actually communicated what was really going on.

I recognized this support while I was on the farm, and many times I simply was not patient and remaining in breath. My Muscle gives a very clear, physical indicator. Physical Feel = twitch in the muscle just below my elbow on the inside of the arm.
So, now I am bringing myself back to this every time I participate in Muscle Communication.

It's fascinating, because I have to push myself to be patient and breathe and feel the physical indicator. I cannot allow myself to try to "rush", which is actually avoidance of really facing myself and what I've allowed myself to live as for my entire life.

By pushing myself to be patient, slow down, breathe, and simply work with what is here, I can trust myself within my process to start looking at my design so I can take it apart, piece by piece.

Very cool!

Facing Discrimination of "Weird"

2010-11-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been participating fully in my vlogs and blogs lately, I've been focused on getting us out of this apartment and into a home that provides everyone with enough space to effectively work on all of our projects.

When I started this process of looking for a home for the 7 of us to live in (4 people + 2 rats + 1 dog), I was faced with the consequences of not being a part of an official "family unit"".

Many landlords that I spoke to were very wary of allowing "four unrelated adults" to live in a home together, even though the homes had plenty of bedrooms and space for everyone.

The first time I was told this, I allowed myself to defend myself and my decision to live with people who were not in my family. But the more and more I had to face this point of discrimination, the more I realized how strong the idea of a family and relation is in this world. Any excuse that I gave for "why" we all lived together was simply that, an excuse... just me trying to fight against a construct that is so deeply ingrained in the minds of people that they are unwilling and fearful of opening their eyes to anything or anyone that does not fit their picture of what is acceptable.

So I decided to stop fighting.

I was simply open and honest with the landlords that I met about my decision to live with 3 other adults, and that I would not allow myself to compromise myself by submitting to a landlord who was going to give me a hard time throughout our contract about my decision.

We did end up finding a cool place. However, I still had a resistance to telling them about our pet rats, which I will now have to face the consequences of.

Family Construct Again

2010-10-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

I've been visiting my mother frequently over the past few days, taking Meisie our new puppy to play with the doggies that live there.

I see that I still allow a lot of the patterns of "daughter" and "family" within myself and instead of just seeing them for what they are in the moment, I have been fighting against all of the remnant feelings of guilt, respect, debt, appreciation.

My mother is currently assisting me to pay for school and has also bought me a new car. Instead of being gracious and appreciative of this support, I have allowed myself to be spiteful because the support is not unconditional. But it is not practical to accept that my mother is going to support me unconditionally... she is conditioned... she is a product of her condition and the ideas of "love" and "family", which correspond to the idea that "parents should support their children financially up to a certain point, and children should respond with complete respect and gratitude and love". She will see me as a "child" and as her "daughter" until I truly stand up as Life, which is actually quite a cool point to see myself in this reflection.

The conflict between us is a point where I allow myself to expect something of her that I myself am unwilling to give, unconditional support. I allow myself to get frustrated when she questions my decision to live in a community (that is not my blood family), and when she speaks badly of Cameron (because he is a man and she does not trust men in general). I argue and defend myself as a result of having placed myself (within my mind) in a position that is lower on the family scale, the "daughter" who must earn her place within the family.

What a fuck up.

Fascinating, because I see myself doing this within the moment, participating in an argument, going on and on, looping around and around. I stop myself, and then I'm tested again on the next comment she makes, and I start to argue again, and I have to stop again.

Today, I had to stand up within this. I had to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed within my participation within this family construct. I had to let go of my position as "daughter" and thus let go of my guilt for not fitting into my idea of my mother's idea of who I should have grown up to be. I take responsibility for the support my mother has given me, and I appreciate it because it is supporting me to finish my education. I finally take responsibility for standing up and supporting myself through an education.

And I do not blame myself for accepting this support from my mother. It is simply a practical point that makes sense for this moment. I stop any pattern of participating in co-dependency and reliance on my family to support me, financially, emotionally, etc...

The Yoga Mind Speaks in Tongues

2010-10-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today, I allowed myself to go into self-doubt about joining a yoga center, mostly with regards to meeting new people and facing judgment (which is obviously actually self-judgment).

I am pushing myself to do yoga in order to support my physical body and to interact with other people. I will also have to face the point of spirituality that is "so in right now" among yogists... lol.

But as I am driving to the center, I allow myself to participate in thoughts: "what will it be like there", "will they be friendly", "will I be too out-of-shape for yoga" etc...

And by allowing this, I allowed myself to go into a possession of self-doubt,
Which I allowed to go so far as my random thoughts being spoken out loud...

Oh man, thoughts sound completely ridiculous when you speak them out loud, literally like a robot that just says everything it sees and then makes a calculated opinion about it.

"Wow, this is a narrow road" "watch out buddy" "This is a nice area" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I simply stopped and breathed and pushed myself to simply go to the center and not allow any more points of self-judgment. I had another glitch though when I couldn't find the center at the address I'd seen online. Apparently it had been shut down.

Anyways, hearing my thoughts out loud was quite fascinating and revealed to me that I usually hide my deception down in the depths of my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own self-judgment onto others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my physical body as weak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people who do yoga as being stronger than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to boost my self-esteem by judging people who do yoga as stupid for believing in meditation and white light energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I once participated in spirituality with a similar vigor.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am the same as these people who believe in spirituality of yoga.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to fight against spirituality instead of seeing spirituality for what it is, deception and manipulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being deceived and manipulated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to open myself up to deception and manipulation because I allow deception and manipulation to have power over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see anything else in yoga other than a physical support for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be fit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build an idea of yoga as something that will make my physical body fit.

Fit for what? Fit for looking at, Fit for this physical reality, Fit as strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look outside of myself for strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on a preconceived idea of what it looks like to be "fit".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though my body is not fit for physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my physical body for my thoughts of inadequacy.

More later

Sugar is a Big Problem

2010-10-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

So I was in the grocery store today getting some food for all of us, and I was getting a bit frustrated that the store I was in had very few sugar-free products. EVERYTHING had sugar in it, bread, lunch meat, cheese, etc... All the sugar free products were at least 50%-100% more expensive (which just shows how poor people are considered by these producers).

What the fuck?

I had planned to make spinach/kale filled croisants, but all the dough had sugar in it...

So, I thought "I'll just go to Whole Foods" ( a grocery store with more basic products) which is across town.

I went to the register to pay for a few things that I had found to be sugar free. I had this particular cashier who always participates in mindless chatter and always tells me I have beautiful eyes. She asked me why I look particularly "frazzled" today and I reacted by telling her that I was frustrated that the store had no products that were sugar free. A long awkward conversation pursued, and I could see that I was allowing myself to judge her for not considering that sugar is a drug that is deliberately inserted into every food so that people become addicted to food. I was not clear within my discussion with her, because I allowed a moment of frustration when I couldn't find the products that I wanted in sugar free form, based on a particular desire to continue to eat food that I enjoy while "trying" to maintain a sugar-free diet.

I realize that I am still allowing myself to eat particular foods out of desire... I still want to eat things that make me feel a certain way, while still wanting to have an idea of being sugar free.

I understand that stopping sugar supports me and that I cannot just simply give in to eating products that have sugar in them just to support my desire to eat certain recipes.

I have to stop this point of continuing to eat out of desire. If products are not available without sugar, than don't eat them, eat some vegetables or something else, and do not allow myself to feel righteous about being "sugar-free"

I will have to write more about this later so that it is clearly exposed, the idea of "sugar free"

Point of Conflict, Allowance of Guilt

2010-10-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

So an interesting point came up today with me towards Cameron.
(lol, our personalities banging into one another)

We had been discussing a bunch of new points to pursue within the business and what tasks each of us needs to now focus on to be effective within our participation.

We were fully supportive of one another and the goals we came up with were quite cool.

Then I mentioned that we should go ahead and do laundry today because it was Cam's day off. And then we had a conflict over whether we should do all of the laundry together.

From this point on I will only discuss this point from my participation and I will not allow myself to go into blame of Cameron for any point, because I am not clearly able to stand as him and see whether he is participating in dishonesty without going into judgment, so I simply won't allow it at all, I will just look at myself.

We had previously agreed that we would do laundry together. I stated this point and insisted that either we continue based on our agreement or we make a new agreement that each of us would do our own laundry. I did not say this out of spite, it was just simply because I decided that I was not going to agree to do all of the laundry by myself. However, when this point of "why" I was not willing to do the laundry by myself came up, instead of standing stable within my decision and our agreement, I went into justification, that it takes up too much of my time to do both of our many loads of laundry.

I also allowed myself to go into a point of guilt, that I should just go ahead and do the laundry because Cam is currently directly earning income to support me while I am not directly making money at a "job".
***This is interesting, because the previous day I had decided that I would start applying for jobs because I knew that I would be effective in earning money for a short while to support us and that it would support me to walk through my current state of anxiety and self-doubt.***
However, I used this as a way to make myself sound better, to release some of my guilt, as a reaction, and my physical body wasn't going to allow that dishonesty to go hidden, and I started crying uncontrollably... not sobbing, but crying...not with sadness-emotion attached, just like an embarassment because I realized I was allowing guilt to effect me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for Cameron having to go to work everyday.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about not making any money.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to guilt by using justifications to make another feel guilty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is okay to transfer my own feeling of guilt onto another person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame Cameron for not wanting to do laundry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use justifications to build up an idea that I am not capable of doing all the laundry myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to keep my guilt a secret.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by an imaginary idea that I call "guilt"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by a feeling of embaressment to try to stop crying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by a feeling of shame towards my physical body for crying.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to hold on to the idea that crying is something to be ashamed of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear another's judgement of myself as weak because I am crying, which is actually just self-judgement of myself as weak because I am ashamed of crying.

So Cam and I sat together and talked about these points and opened them up to each other and it was really fuckin cool.

Energy Movement Answering the Phone

2010-09-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a salesperson trying to sell me some security service.

It is interesting, because every time I get a phone call on our business line, I get an anxious energy movement in my chest area.

And then when I'm on the phone, there are moments where I cannot speak... like I am completely blank.

I realize this is because I am not remaining here, simply speaking to the person on the phone, I am speaking to an idea in my head of who I am supposed to be as a professional and a business person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in energy when someone calls for information on the business line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to believe that I need to perform in order to effectively manipulate the person on the other end of the line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to blame myself for not being able to speak effectively on the phone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to fear speaking to other people about our services because I do not trust myself and am not confident within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to be effective within the business and then fail as what I stand for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to fear not having enough money because of my failure within the business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am letting everyone else down by not being effective on the phone with potential clients.

Stopping Sugar Addiction/ Blood Type Diet

2010-09-18T15:39:00.001-07:00

So, back in July I did No Sugar for 21 days, during which I carefully chose the food I ate and did muscle communication before eating and when choosing food at the grocery store. I also pushed myself to go out and walk each morning during this time.

I fell when the 21 days were up and I ate a lot of sugary food. The point here was that I allowed myself to crave sugar without effectively writing out my thoughts and experiences and memories each time that I had “craving” and applying self forgiveness.
So, after the 21 days, I fell back into my old eating patterns and habits. I would eat out of desire and eat until I felt sick, and I would think about eating all day.

This is why I’m specifically taking this point on, because my thoughts are consistently of food, more intensified when I participate in them, but there even when I have written out the point and applied self-forgiveness.

The problem here is that, although I have applied SF on this point, I have not put a practical solution into action within each moment. So when it was suggested to stop sugar consumption and look into the Blood Type Diet, I realized that I would have to take this on myself if I actually wanted to consistently stand without holding my physical body back through overeating and mis-eating.

So over the past three days, I stopped eating refined sugar, and I have been testing for myself whether the Blood Type Diet is effective in supporting my physical body.

If you haven’t heard of the Blood Type Diet, I’ll give you the information I have integrated so far. There are 4 different basic blood types: A, B, AB, O.
Each of these blood types correlate with different physical aspects in regards to digestion and absorption of nutrients.
There are particular foods that support one’s physical body with each particular blood type. There are also foods that act like a poison on each blood type.
The Diet is simply based on analyzing the chemical makeup of different foods to find the information of which foods will support you and which you should not eat.

So, on the internet, you can find long lists of the foods that have been analyzed with a rating of Beneficial, Neutral, Avoid.

I happen to be blood type A, which is suggested to eat mostly vegetables and fruits, and getting protein from nuts, fish, etc… It is suggested for me to not eat red meat because my stomach acid level is very low and it is difficult for me to digest highly concentrated foods/meats.

Now, when I looked at this point self-honestly, I could see that this made sense for me. When I eat red meat and carbohydrates, I am physically in pain for hours after I eat, uncomfortable and extremely tired. When I eat several small meals of simple salad, rice, beans, I do not get this sick feeling.

A cool question that came up for me was “how did I continue to eat food that made me feel sick after eating it” Well, this had to do with a particular idea that I had that I should be able to eat anything I want, without having to face the consequences of the impact on my physical body. I was eating with my mind instead of supportive eating. I was feeding my mind, and thus my mind was running constantly all day long directing me to consume more and more food.

So, anyways this has been quite a cool point. I am continuously testing the information in this diet, so that I am equal and here with the food I eat, and not just following a plan someone else thinks is right.

Food Day #11

2010-07-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

8:30am - Cup of coffee
11:00am - Oatmeal
12:30pm - Cup of Coffee
3:45 - Beans & rice
5:00 - Cantelope & Water
7:30 - Shrimp Sandwich, fries, rice balls, tea
9:00pm - Coffee

Food Day #10

2010-07-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

Didn't post this yesterday, so here it is:

8:30am - glass of milk
11:30am - Chinese Chicken & Rice
12:45pm - Cup of Coffee
3:00pm - glass of water
6:00pm - potatoes & Rice & small Pork Sandwich
8:30pm - Suga Free Redbull
10:30pm - Granola, Yogurt, nuts, apple sauce mix

Food Day #9

2010-07-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

9:00am - Eggs, Sausage, Potatoes, Bread, milk
10:00am - Coffee
1:00pm - Coffee
3:00pm - Cantelope, Cucumber
5:30pm - Coffee
9:00pm - Steak, Onion Rings, Pasta

Food - Day #8

2010-07-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

9:30am - Blend from Yesterday + Sausage links
3 cups of coffee
1 glass of water
1 glass of milk
Pork Sandwich with Cheesy Rice & Potato Salad

Food - Day #7

2010-07-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

9:00am - Blend: Coconut Milk, Kale, Plum, Grapes, Cantalope, Frozen Banana, Lemon
12:00pm - Cup of Coffee
2:00pm - Pumpernickel Bread w/ Cheese, handful of nuts, Cup of Coffee
4:00pm - Coffee
7:30pm - Hamburger & potatoes
10:30pm - Cup of Coffee

Sluggishness, Tired, Standing up with Existence

2010-07-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

I realized for myself that I have been abusing myself through sleeping, using sleep to avoid existing...and this has been a pattern for the past 3-4 days.

There was a day where I woke up and it was raining outside and I used this as an excuse to not go out and walk. So I decided to turn off my alarm and go back to sleep. I have proven to myself that physical action when I wake up supports me to breathe and be physically here and I allowed myself to not support myself because I believed that I was a "victim of circumstance" in that it was raining outside.

So I am having a look at the point of 'rain', what it symbolizes for me, and why I have allowed myself to use this as an excuse to lay in bed.

A specific memory comes up of when I was 7 and it was a school day, but because it was flooding in Houston, my mom said that I could sleep in because we weren't going to drive in bad weather. So I stayed in the warm bed and got to fall back asleep. I didn't have to exist for another few hours and a very good feeling swept over me, comforting.

There have been many points after that where I've hoped that it would flood so that I do not have to exist that particular day, whether going to work or school, etc... And I am still holding onto this excuse today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a specific memory where I was allowed to sleep because it was raining.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define rain as an authority over what I do and whether I exist.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my existence and disciplining myself to wake up at a specific time in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see rain as an excuse to not physically support myself through walking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in desire for a feeling that I get for sleeping in after I have woken naturally.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about getting to go back to sleep as I am typing this right now.
I forgive msyelf for accepting and allowing msyelf to desire not to exist and to avoid taking responsibility for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on stimulation to wake me up in the morning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to depend on stimulation to exist instead of breathing and directing my existence.

It has been really cool, because Cam and I agreed that we would wake up at a particular time early every morning in order to support ourselves to use our time and breath effectively. And this morning, although we did wake up at 7:30, I did not effectively breath and wake in a single moment, so I allowed myself to feel tired and I got back in bed at around 11:30am. I was using excuses of being physically tired to justify not existing.

No more.
I wake, I breathe, I get out of bed, I exist.
I do not avoid myself through sleep.
I am here and I take responsibility for myself.

Food - Day #6 July 2 2010

2010-07-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

8:00am - 2 Sausage & Cheese Kolaches
9:00am - Cup of Coffee
10:30am - Tea
12:00pm - Cantalope & Nuts
1:30pm - Cup of Coffee
3:00pm - Small portion of pasta salad.
5:00pm - Cup of Coffee
7:00pm - Tuna Pasta w/ Broccoli
10:pm - Popcorn & water

Food - Day #5

2010-07-01T16:41:00.001-07:00

11:00am - glass of milk
12:00pm - handful of nuts and cheese
2:00pm - cantelope, kale, and a glass of water
4:00pm - Cup of coffee
8:30pm - Lasagna, squash/tomatoes,bread, apple juice
11:00pm - Granola/Yogurt, spoonful of peanut butter.

The sole purpose for placing this list on this blog each day is a part of disciplining myself to take responsibility for what I eat. I am not putting myself on a "diet". "Dieting" is a action that is taken from a point of the mind, a point of personality. I am supporting myself to eat simply, deleting the daily obsession with food and simply testing and eating what is required for my body in a moment.

Food - Day #4

2010-06-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

9:00am - Glass of water w/electrolytes
10:00am - Biking
12:30pm - Glass of V8, Bread and hummus
4:00pm - Cup of coffee, nuts, cheese
7:00pm - Chicken sandwich & Fries
9:00pm - Cup of coffee, grapes & cantalope
11:00pm - water

Food - Day #3

2010-06-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

10:45am - Oatmeal
2:35pm - Cup of Coffee, Bread with cheese

****
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "make a mountain out of a molehill"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot do work, because I do not want to do work.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my actions on what I "want", which is simply based on thoughts in my mind, which I assume are "who I am"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'I am' my thoughts.
I forgive msyelf for accepting and allowing myself to use thoughts of "complications" as justifications for why (whine) I should not do something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use food as a way to comfort myself, instead of facing myself and finding a practical solution in each moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use eating as a distraction from doing what I know must be done.
No more excuses, I will not allow myself to eat compulsively as a consequence of allowing myself to get frustrated.
*****

4:00pm - Cup of Coffee, handful of nuts.
7:30pm - Bowl of Rice w/ corn, squash, okra
9:30pm - Cup of Coffee
12:00pm - Granola w/Yogurt & Nuts, crackers w/ hummus

Food - Day #2

2010-06-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

9:00am - Small Glass of water w/ electrolytes
9:30am - (Walking)
10:45am - Tall Glass of Blend from Yesterday
12:30pm - Glass of water
5:08pm - Glass of v8, handful of almonds/pecans, grapes
7:00pm - Cup of Coffee
8:54pm- Fish, rice, squash, glass of milk
11:00pm - Cup of Coffee
1:00am - Bag of Popcorn

Day #1 - Sunday - June 27th 2010

2010-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

12:22pm - cup of coffee
1:30pm - (tested) Blended: Apple/Carrots/spinach/milk/pineapple/banana/juice

6:00pm - Grocery Store Run (all foods tested), interesting b/c I had a desire point come up for pistacio nuts, which tested out as not supportive for my physical body. For a moment I had a thought of being dissappointed and just to buy them anyway, but I stopped and breathed and realized that I had abused myself by eating pistacios compulsively for the taste of salt. So I will have to look a bit more into the salt point as well.

6:20pm - *T* Pumpernickel Bread w/ hummus.
7:00-8:00pm - Large glass of water
9:00pm - Pork Chop, brussel sprouts, carrots, bread, water.
11:30pm - Cup of coffee
12:00pm - Sweet Potato Crackers & a few grapes

Falling and Getting Back Up -- Eating/Food Addiction

2010-06-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have fallen within the point of facing and stopping my food addiction.

I have justified eating particular foods based on the fact that they do not have sugar, but I eat them in excess and have not been testing for myself what food will support my body.

A few days after I fell back into this pattern, I stopped going on my daily walk as well, it has been 2 days in a row that I have not gone walking.

This is after 14 days of complete discipline, I have fallen in a single moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use food to get energetic feelings that give me 'comfort'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to eat particular foods that I desire instead of eating food that will support me in the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with myself for not standing within discipline, instead of simply starting over and continuing to make a principled decision in every moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot discipline myself for 21 days to support myself to remove the desire for food.

In order to support myself to make a disciplined decision in each moment, I will be posting a schedule of the food I eat each day for the next 21 days here based on Muscle Communication with my physical body. This will support me because I will not allow myself to hide my eating habits/patterns from myself, EVERYTHING will be placed here so I can see it all for myself.